This was another good week for me. I have found that after 15 weeks I’m not really ‘hungry’ as much during the day. Before I’d have to snack on cherry tomatoes etc so that the hunger pangs were kept at bay, or eat diet jelly. The past couple of weeks though I’ve not snacked at all during the day, other than having my shakes for breakfast and lunch the only other stuff that’s passed my lips has been water or diet cordial and water. And sometimes chewing gum. Doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t enjoy biscuits or toast though, but the actual ‘hunger’ pangs aren’t there. Mind you come 5.30pm I do enjoy a hearty 3 cupfuls of veges and my allowed protein, followed at 7.30pm by my Optifast chocolate bar. That’s a big difference to how I used to be.

My mobility is still limited though which is frustrating. Not because I get puffed easily, that part has improved since losing some weight, just the legs feeling heavy so much of the time, and I’m still frightened of slipping and falling so if there’s any water or anything on the tiled floor (example doggy drool from our Golden Retriever who although very lovable drools much more than any other dog we’ve had), I am hanging on to benches/chairs/my walker and taking very slow, tiny steps. Maybe it’s a case of needing to build up more stamina, so as to regain strength in my legs again.

I’m still at home all the time, that much hasn’t changed either. I was thinking about once I am able to get out a bit more, going into public places, even if it’s just grocery shopping with my partner. However, even though I’m losing weight I am still morbidly obese. And you know what happens when someone so large goes out in public. People stare.  Maybe they don’t say anything but you can tell what they are thinking by the looks on their faces.  They think you are lazy, gross, unimportant, a drain on society and disgusting, that all you do is eat all day like those people on My 600 lb Life. You smile and pretend that everything is fine, try to suck in your stomach, which makes not one ounce of difference when you have a gut as big as mine, while keeping your eyes downcast and your ears closed in case of whispers about your size. Do they think you are stupid? That you don’t know the dangers of being overweight? Nothing could be further from the truth in most cases. We DO know about the health risks. We haven’t been living under a rock for years. Some of us who are more mature in age are very aware of the fact that we are practically a ticking time bomb.

Fat. Don’t you hate that word. Obese is bad enough, but fat. That sounds nasty, insulting, and so it is.  Yet it’s a label we put on ourselves (even though we might not admit it to others), a bright, glaring supersized label that says I’M FAT!  Okay, it’s wrong to put such labels on ourselves, but I bet that at some point, if you have been very overweight, that it’s something you have done.

 

You look in the mirror and see the rolls of fat, the multiple chins, thighs the thickness of a massive tree stump.  But you know what? I’m tearing that bloody label OFF! I no longer want that label, it’s going to be outdated once I have lost more of this weight. And not only will I be tearing off that label I’ll be burning it! It’s not going to be recycled because I have fallen off the wagon and gained the weight that I’ve worked so hard in getting off.  I can’t afford to do that roller coaster ride again. You know, the lose some weight, gain it all back plus more. Then whinge and feel miserable about it, eat more, gain more and back on a diet again. Celebrate the losses, cry over the plateaus or small gains.  Lose weight yet again and gain it again. Up and down like a roller coaster. Nope, not going to let that happen again. No way Jose‘!!

Anyways after the past couple of weeks where I’ve had pretty good results I wasn’t expecting much in the way of weight loss this week. I’ve done the right things, eaten my veges, had my protein and had my Optifast products and my water so it was all in the lap of the gods really. So after praying to whatever diet gods there are up there I stepped onto the scales.  What I heard I couldn’t quite believe. For months now the tinny voice from inside my scales gasped out “Two hundred and……”, so I was used to the sound of that ‘Two hundred’. However today I didn’t hear two hundred. Nope.

Instead that beautiful, magical tinny voice said something I hadn’t been expecting for another couple of weeks, “One hundred and ninety…..” No, not 190kg, my goodness that would have been a major miracle, instead the figure was “One hundred and ninety eight point five kilos!” I admit that I couldn’t believe it at first, and had to weigh myself a second time to make sure I’d heard right. And I had!  I had lost 4.1 kilos in a week! Not just that but I had reached 2 of my goals before my birthday next week. My first goal of losing 30 kilos was one of them (30.8kg to be exact], and my second goal of being under 200 kilos. It’s probably been years since I’ve been under that number, maybe 2014 was the last year I weighed under that. A trifecta of good luck as far as I am concerned.

I’m not ‘celebrating’ as such this week. I thought about it, but then decided to wait another week as my birthday is on the 8th March. I’m getting my hair cut as my reward to myself (with thanks to my partner for funding that!), and we are going to celebrate with a lunch. Now I know about all the discussions that have taken place on the Optifast support group about having a cheat meal. A lot of people are firmly against it, others say why not? Ordinarily I would be one of those saying, “Nope, don’t do it, because one cheat day might lead to another, and another.” However I figure that I have been following the program strictly [apart from Christmas day, but even then I was watchful and stayed away from snack foods like chips and chocolate etc.] So I have decided that for lunch that day I will be having a six inch Subway meatball sub with salad. Okay, the bread has carbs and will more than likely throw me out of ketosis, but I am prepared for that. It could have been worse, I could have chosen to pig out on battered fish and chips, or a pizza with pepperoni, bacon, cheese, ham and sausage, not forgetting the garlic bread beforehand and to wash it all down a malt chocolate thick shake from Domino’s, or KFC. I figure that a wholemeal sub with salad veges and meatballs isn’t really bad in the grand scheme of things.  And I know that I will be back on track the very next day. Of that I am positive and determined.

So today has been a very good day indeed.

I know I have a long way to go till my next goal of being under 150kg. My next mini goal is to lose another 25 kilos. It’s going to happen, of that I’m certain. Slowly but surely I’ll get there.

Thanks for reading my ramblings again.

            

 

 

 

 

Hi there blog readers. It’s now 14 and a half weeks since I began and my first big goal is not too far off. I can almost taste it! And it tastes like a home made hamburger complete with fried onions, BBQ sauce and a juicy burger patty. I wish! I’ve  made it through another week without cheating once. Chewing away on sugar free gum does come with side effects though if you are like me and get sick of ‘stale’ gum that’s been chewed for too long, and keep reaching for a couple of fresh pieces to keep that nice spearmint taste going in my mouth. Sugar free usually means some kind of artificial sweetener is added, and they have a laxative effect. So I ended up having a day with a few sprints to the dunny. I reckon I could have broken a couple of Olympic records time wise as I waddled down the hallway clenching my buttock cheeks tight and screaming “Out of my way!!” at the cat who was stretched out languidly completely blocking my passage.  I was heaving sighs of relief when I managed to  make it to the toilet in time without having a humiliating accident. Lesson learned: go easy on the sugar free gum.

I’ve realised that a few things have changed, and for the better, since I started this program. Before Optifast I used to long for my morning cup of tea with milk and sugar added. On Optifast it’s my morning shake that I can’t wait to enjoy. The coffee flavoured one made with icecubes, cold water and a teaspoon of Nescafe Blend 43 coffee granules. I actually love it. Never thought I’d be saying that about diet shakes.

Before Optifast I’d be snacking on sweet biscuits during the day. Now I enjoy mini roma tomatoes or cherry tomatoes.

Before Optifast my evening snacks, yes plural, would be some potato chips, chocolate and a bowl of vanilla ice cream.  Now it’s a Optifast chocolate bar.

Before Optifast I would have had quite a few cheat days. They were supposed to be a single day where I would eat what I’d been craving for, but like I’ve said before, that single cheat day would lead to another, and another. Many is the time I used to avoid going to slimmers club that week simply because my single cheat day had turned into a cheat week and I knew that I would have gained weight as a result.  And of course missing one weeks weigh in I used to use that as an excuse to have another cheat day/s because I’d figured that I had a week ahead of me to lose that weight.  No wonder I failed to succeed. Sabotaging myself like that was like giving an alcoholic free range inside a Dan Murphys store.  Having said that though, cheat days do work for some people. I guess it depends on how determined you are to go back to the diet program again, and stick to it at least 99% of the time.  On Optifast though, excess carbohydrate intake can throw you out of the mild ketosis our bodies are in, and that means going through those first few days known as the 3 day challenge, all over again. Which is not always pleasant. So apart from a couple of small indulgences on Christmas day [ a couple of roast potatoes, gravy with my chicken, toast and Christmas cake and custard] I have stuck to the program, and so I’m pretty proud of myself for doing that.

So today was weigh in day. After last weeks loss of 2.9 kilograms I was psyching myself up for a much smaller loss this week. My ankle has been painful for some reason and walking on it difficult so I’ve not been doing my ‘laps’ of the hallway.  It was with some hesitation that I stepped onto the scales this morning.

Yes!!!! Another loss, and a decent number again. 2.2 kilograms lost since last week.

A total loss so far of 26.7kg.  Only 3.3 kilos left to go before I hit that 30 kg loss. I’m hoping that by 8th March that I will have reached that magic number. Fingers crossed.

 

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After last weeks gain of 100 grams I was feeling pretty despondent even though it was only a tiny amount in the grand scheme of things. I saw my dietician who was quick to reassure me that it was nothing to worry about and that I’d done really well so far, losing a little over 21 kilos in 12 weeks. So here I was at week 13. Would it be unlucky for me?  I decided to cut back on my water intake to about 2 and a half litres per day maximum rather than the 3 and  a half litres I’d been drinking the previous week. Even though I’d been wee’ing plenty maybe my body had retained some fluid?   My legs have also been giving me some grief this week for some reason, they felt like I had concrete blocks attached to them and even walking with a walker was difficult. Most frustrating when I considered that back in 2015 when I was heavier I was more mobile. It’s a bit better today, hopefully will continue.

On a positive note I feel as though my big belly has reduced in size, it’s a bit easier to reach my toes and I’m not so puffed after a shower, 2 things that are showing me that I’m doing this for the right reasons.  I’ve discovered also that the toughest thing about trying to lose weight isn’t watching what I eat, it’s watching what other people eat.  I sometimes feel that I’m eating the same old thing day in and day out while my partner enjoys a variety of goodies, that are definitely not part of the Optifast program.  He feels bad for me, which makes me feel guilty because I don’t want him to feel like he’s ‘torturing’ me.  This is something I’m going to have to get used to, as once I’m more mobile and we can go out places again I’m going to have to endure the sights and smells of ‘naughty’ foods. Still, he did spoil me today, Valentines day, by buying me some delicious, and expensive chocolates. Before you gasp in horror though…………he bought me a box of Optifast chocolate bars. Not a box of Cadbury chocolates!

So this morning was all about the scales again. I was half dreading getting on them after last week, so it was with some trepidation that I stood on them. I’d had a good week, had stuck to the program, so was hoping for some good news.

And like the picture says. I have had a good week. Because the scales sang my song! They made me smile, not grimace. I would have jumped up and down for joy but the floors wouldn’t take it. I’d lost weight, and not just a kilo. I’d lost 2.9 kilograms this week. [Bugga about that 100 grams that didn’t come off, would have been great to put down a 3 kilo loss]. I was really pleased! A total loss so far of 24.5 kilos.  Only 5.5 kilograms left to lose to get me to a 30 kilogram loss. Hopefully I can achieve this within the next 3 weeks. My 61st birthday is on 8th March and I’d so love to have a 30kg weight loss as a birthday present to myself.  And as a way of rewarding myself I aim to get my hairdresser to come here and cut and style my hair. I can’t wait for the day when I can get in the car and drive myself to a hair dressing salon instead of having someone come here.

I’ve still not heard anything about my recent blood tests. My dietician did ask the doctor to send her the results but she hadn’t heard anything so was going to chase it up, and let me know. I’m assuming all is well because if there was anything a bit abnormal my doctor would have contacted me and asked me to come in to see her. No news is good news as the saying goes.

Who remembers The Biggest Loser TV show? Remember how all these overweight people would enter the house only to be thrown into intense exercise routines that saw some of them flat on their backs, gasping for air, clutching their chests and throwing up while their trainers yelled at them and pushed them to keep going. They had food temptations galore, a test to see who would resist the cream cakes, fried foods or pies etc or who would remain strong.  Interestingly here I was, watching a weight loss show while eating potato chips, chocolate and ice cream. Rather ironic I thought.  There was a lot of bitchiness and back stabbing that went on and most of the contestants were involved in that. Except for a few. Some worked bloody hard and it paid off on the scales. There was one contestant though that stood out for  me among all of the contestants that ever appeared on Australian Biggest Loser. That was Bob Herdsman who appeared on the show in 2009.. This man was 57 years old when he and his daughter in law were on the show. He weighed in at almost 170 kilos.  He struggled big time with the physical activity, but he never ever gave up.  He was supportive of others too, even those on opposing teams to his, he was the all around nice guy that you couldn’t help but admire. His determination and efforts were rewarded by a massive weight loss of 87.6 kilos and took out the Biggest Loser award for that year.  He’s still kept the weight off years later, and is a great mentor on Facebook for those needing inspiration.  One thing I remember was an episode where one of the other males was disappointed in his weight loss that week, and compared himself with Bob.  Bob’s response to that  man brought me to tears, and it’s a message to all of us.  When dieting so many of us compare our weight loss with other people and we shouldn’t do that.  I often see people mentioning this on the support group I belong to, heck I’m equally guilty of doing it myself.  I shouldn’t though, nobody should compare their weight loss to other peoples as we are all different.  As Bob said, “The worst kind of put-down is comparing ourselves to others and believing that we are something “less”. Only ever compare yourself with where YOU …… ASPIRE TO BE.” That’s something we all need to remember.  This is the part of the show where he gives that pep talk to the other contestant, it brought me to tears then, and still does.

Don’t compare yourself to others.

This photo shows the amazing results of his hard work and persistence, even when being yelled at by the Commando, and working out in the heat and humidity of a North Queensland island.

So that’s a wrap for another week. Thanks again for taking the time to read my ramblings.

ADDIT: I heard back about my blood tests and all is good. My cholesterol levels are down and everything else is fine, so I have the official go ahead to stay on the intensive level of Optifast for another 12 weeks. Yay.

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Well here I am at the end of my first 12 weeks on Optifast. While I am very happy with the program it’s now that I’m finding myself thinking of the foods that I can’t have because they are what put me in this position in the first place. Battered fish with hot chips is something my mouth waters for.  Meatlovers pizza with extra pepperoni, spring onion and bacon is another.  A home made hamburger would go down so well.  However my resolve is still strong despite my dear man buying some rich fruit cake to have with his morning cup of tea on his days off. Oh my goodness, I sooo wanted a slice, or two. However I made myself look away from the plate with cake on it, and went to the fridge to pour out a huge glass of cold water with some diet cordial added to it, and grabbed a baby cucumber instead.  One of my favourite shows ‘My Kitchen Rules’ has just started a  new season and I find myself salivating at some of the dishes cooked, and wishing they’d start cooking more tripe or offal type meats instead, dishes I dislike, rather than crispy pork rind with pork belly and other delicious looking meals. As for desserts, why can’t they just come up with a dozen ways of serving fruit salad, minus cream or home made ice cream? Okay it would be rather boring and bland in comparison but it sure would make it easier for me.  If only they could invent a way of tasting what’s on the screen without adding any calories to it, that would be perfect.

I’ve had my blood tests done and am just waiting to go to the dietician to find out if I can remain on Intensive for another 12 weeks. I’ll add to the end of this blog entry once I know.   When I was at the doctors surgery to have my blood drawn I had one of those non scale victories that we try to focus on.  Where I have my blood tests done they have a big chair that you sit on, just like the one in the picture below. Well previously I wasn’t able to even climb onto the thing, it was just too difficult to get my legs up high enough and then be able to push myself onto the seat. I had to ask the phlebotomist to please fetch me a chair from the waiting room, and I felt bad because of that as it made her job a bit harder. This time however I successfully summited the chair, lol.  No waiting room chair required. Probably doesn’t seem like a big deal to anyone reading this but for me it was another thing that losing weight had helped me with. So yay me!

One thing I began introducing into my daily routine this week was some exercise. A few laps around the block, a half marathon or 2, 100 push ups, some bench presses…… No? Okay, I am fibbing about that part. However I did start doing some exercises that I could do without giving myself a heart attack.  I was reading a post on our Facebook group from a man who had lost over 50 kilos in around 12 weeks on Optifast. Previously he’d had to have oxygen on day and night, but now he only needs it at night when on his CPAP machine. He also did some exercises which no doubt helped him in his massive weight loss.  He mentioned what he’d been doing and I thought that I would be able to do those as well. Not the walks around the street as I’m just not physically able to manage that yet, but I can walk around the house. I might weigh less now than I did back in January 2015 but from sitting so much since then my body just isn’t used to moving, even walking short distances such as from the handicapped parking bay to the doctors surgery can leave me puffed and with a fast pulse rate. So I’ve started walking up and down the hallway, from the front door to the back, using my walker. 12 metres each way, that’s 24 metres.  I manage to do 4 laps in total before my legs rebel. I try to do this twice a day which is 192 metres a day, not counting my trips down the hallway to the loo. It would be good if I could be like the granny in the picture below and have roller skates on.

In addition I’ve started using my mini bike pedal gizmo I put it on the ottoman in front of where I sit and use my hands to pedal around and around for 5 minutes without stopping. I do this twice a day as well plus use a 1kg weight to do bicep curls while sitting down 5 reps of 20 per arm. So from being a couch potato whose exercise was typing away on a keyboard and dashing to the toilet I have become a turtle, moving slowly, but moving.

I remember the days back in the mid to late 80’s when Jane Fonda was all the rage. Her workout cassette tapes and videos were very popular as were the lycra gym outfits and sweatbands that every respectable aerobics participant wore.  Ah yes, aerobics Jane Fonda style………..the sweat, the gyrations, the stretching, the pulling, gasping for breath, and that was just from putting on the leotard and leggings.  I used to ‘work out’ in the lounge room. There I was in my ever so trendy lycra leotard, lycra leggings, high socks and ankle high Reebok shoes bouncing around following Jane’s instructions as the floor caved in underneath me, the walls developed cracks, ornaments shook and crashed to the floor and seismologists were certain that Blacktown was experiencing an earthquake of epic proportions.  For those too young to know about the aerobics outfit of that time here’s an example below. Mind you I looked nowhere near as good as the model in the picture, I may have been around 80 kgs at the time. Lycra does NOTHING to hide bulges, trust me.

Here’s an example of a typical Jane Fonda aerobics routine:  Jane Fonda Aerobics 

If you wanted to sing along you could: Sing along time aerobics style

So today it’s time to face the scales again. I was convinced that the extra physical activity I’d been doing would have paid off in some extra calories burned. Surely it had to make a difference. Well it did.  This sums up my reaction when I stood on the scales this morning.

Yep, I gained. I put on weight. Okay it was only 100 grams, point one of a kilo but I’d still gained weight. I was upset. I was angry.

I’d done nothing different other than introduce some gentle exercises. It couldn’t possibly be muscle because I don’t really have any muscle to add to and the measly weights I was using surely wouldn’t make a difference that way. Could it be the extra water I’m drinking? I decided to up my water intake last week from 2 and a half litres per day to 3 and a half, most of that actually water. I consumed less diet soft drink in this past week than I have since starting 12 weeks ago. I still had an Optifast dessert or chocolate bar around 7pm at night, which I had done in the past as well.  Beats the heck out of me. I have to admit that I cried, because I so wanted to have lost more weight.  After a while though I realised that this happens to everyone at some point, and that up until now I had been doing pretty well.  Hopefully next week will be better.

A dear friend of mine sent me some inspirational pictures (Thank you Cathy!) and I’ll pop a couple in this blog to remind me of what I am aiming for and to not let a tiny hiccup such as today’s impact on my determination.

Thanks to anyone reading this, and please feel free to add a comment. If unsure how to you just look down at the bottom of the post and you’ll see the following (see picture below). Click on where it says ‘Leave a Comment’ and follow the prompts. I have to approve each one first usually so it might not show up for a few hours or so.

 

 

I saw a great tip for getting good results on weigh in day recently, you take 3 or 4 of these special capsules just before getting on the scales. Yep, it’s that easy. What do they contain you ask? Helium.

Yes I am only joking. Great idea though. Actually I heard about another diet tip that sounded promising. To lose weight eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror.  Yep, it really works. Trust me. Restaurants will always throw you out before you can eat too much.

Today marks 11 and a half weeks since I started on Optifast. In one way it seems like I’ve been doing this for longer, in another way not so long. All I know is that slowly but surely the weight is coming off. I’m still not exercising other than my mad dashes to the toilet which is a result of drinking all that water. I’ve actually upped my water consumption this week, drinking about 3 and a bit litres. I did some research about how weight loss is improved by drinking water, especially cold water. Cold water apparently boosts the metabolism up to 30 percent and so calories are consumed at a faster rate. Great! Bring on the ice-cubes and water out of the fridge.

My partner told  me that I’ve actually lost the weight of a 20kg bag of cement. Now to me that’s even better than tubs of butter. I could probably carry a few shopping bags with the amount of tubs of butter I’ve lost, but a 20kg bag of cement? No way. I don’t think I could even lift it off the ground. And to think my body used to lug that around. A 20kg bag of cement putting pressure on my heart and other organs, not to mention on the bones.

I’m still apprehensive when I get on the scales, and I don’t know why when I have been ‘good’ all week and doing the right things. The only thing I haven’t yet started is some sort of exercise. Because of my weight my mobility is pretty, well, up the shit if you’ll excuse the language. I use a walker around the house, and a stick for support if I get up out of bed, and also on the rare occasion when I leave the house to go to the doctors or to the dietician. I just don’t feel stable enough on my legs to go any distance. A few steps yes. I guess it stems from a fear of  having a fall and then being unable to get up again. So what I’ve decided to do is to start off slowly by walking up and down the hallway, from the back door to the front door and back a few times. A few laps to start with and gradually building it up. Also using a couple of plastic water bottles to do arm exercises with.  I might even go to the effort of actually filling them with water, lol.  I do have one of those mini pedal exerciser machines which I bought off eBay. Trouble is when sitting my thighs are so big that I can’t keep my feet inside the straps where the pedals are. Someone suggested just pedaling using one foot at a time, but that’s impossible. The gizmo slips and slides, even on carpet. Hopefully though once I lose more weight I won’t have that issue with my fat thighs and actually be able to use the pedals normally. This is the gizmo I’m talking about.

So out came the scales again, and taking a deep breath in and exhaling it all out (even air must weight something right? So best to remove as much as possible before getting on the scales) I stepped on the scales.  Sigh of relief. Another loss this week.  1.4 kilos kicked to the curb, and good riddance too! A total weight loss now of 21.7kg.  I have to lose another 8.6 kilos to get to my first big goal achieved of being under 200 kilograms. Once I get to 199.3 kilograms I would have lost 30 kilos! Now that’s 2 milestones in one to aim for. My birthday is on March 8th and it would be a great present to step on the scales on the 7th which is my weigh in day, and find that I’ve reached that weight.  If not then if it’s a week or two later past that date I’ll still accept it as a belated birthday gift. By then I’ll be due for another haircut, that will be my reward.

So that’s a wrap for another week.  Tomorrow morning I’m off the face the vampires to get blood drawn for fasting cholesterol, blood sugars and liver and kidney function levels in addition to a few other things such as iron, haemoglobin etc. Just to make sure that after almost 12 weeks on the intensive program my vital organs are working as they should be. All being good I will remain on intensive for another 12 weeks. (At least. I would like to remain on it for a few more months to achieve maximum loss.)  I see my dietician in a weeks time and by then she’ll have the results of the blood tests and will be able to tell me what happens next. If there is any cause for concern I’ll go onto the Active 2 program for a couple of weeks to give my body a break from intensive.  Active 2 program is 2 Optifast products per day, a piece of fruit, small amount of allowed dairy and veges etc. The below picture shows my total loss for the month of January, and in the middle the 14.3kg loss is from 12th November 2018 to the end of December 2018.

I must finish this blog entry on a serious note. It would appear that there is a thief in the neighbourhood.  A photo recently appeared online of someone holding up a pair of my underpants. I’d like the guilty party to come forward and stop holding up my undies for ransom. Until I lose more weight I need them. 

I’ve been on Optifast for 11 weeks today and so far so good. I was recently thinking back to when I had my stomach stapled back in 1985. Back then I weighed around 120kg which to me seemed such a huge amount of weight. If only I had known that 34 years later I’d be over 200kg I would have been in shock.  Gastric stapling was a big thing in those days, a way to finally get rid of excess weight. It involved a small upper section of the stomach being separated from the remainder by a line of staples with just a tiny opening to allow food to move from that top section to the bottom section and then to the small intestine. It wasn’t keyhole surgery like the gastric sleeve operation is nowadays. It involved a fair sized incision in the upper abdominal area and was quite painful and took a lot of time to recover as it was major surgery.  When I first heard of it I thought it was the answer to my prayers, an ‘easy’ way to lose weight so that my then husband and I could start a family. Luckily one of the surgeons at the hospital I was working at was one of those doctors who could perform the operation so I promptly made an appointment to see him and discuss having the surgery. I knew that once done my stomach size would be very small and that certain foods were best to be avoided such as ice cream, chocolate etc, all foods that turned into liquid once eaten and were high in calorie. Darn! 2 of my favourite things.

So I had the surgery and the next day started on clear fluids. A medicine cup of water made me feel full.  I progressed to clear soups and jellies, again, just a small amount filled me up in no time. Once I was home I gradually introduced more ‘normal’ foods into my diet but the portions were tiny. Many is the time when I ate too much and spent the next few hours with my head in the toilet, trying to expel the food that was in my stomach.  I did lose weight though. I got to about 75kg which for me was darned good. I was thrilled to be able to buy nice clothes that fit, to be able to enjoy rides at amusement parks, rides I couldn’t do before because I was too heavy/big for the seats. I even joined a gym and did aerobics once or twice a day as well as working out with weights. I loved the gym. I still remember the name of it, ‘Shapes’ at Westfield in Blacktown N.S.W. I’d go do a aerobics class early  in the mornings before work, and after work as well.  As I worked in the Operating Suite I’d see my surgeon every week and he was very pleased with how I was doing. Life was good.

Once I had my babies the weight started piling back on. We moved and I was too far from my favourite gym. Plus with 2 young kids I used the excuse of being too busy with them and work to find a new gym. While I might not have been able to eat a salad or roast dinner I could still eat potato chips, chocolates and ice cream.  As a result not only did I regain all the weight I’d lost, but I put on even more. I left  my job at the hospital to work closer to home, and for 6 years did night shift which meant pigging out on the wrong foods. I’d go to bed with a couple of chocolate bars, bowl of ice cream and potato chips. My stomach eventually stretched and soon I was able to eat foods that previously I couldn’t such as hamburgers, fried chicken, pizza, fried rice etc. And not in small amounts either.

Early in 2001 I returned to work at the hospital where I’d had my surgery and I was ashamed to even look at the surgeon who’d done my operation. I avoided him as much as possible.  I wasn’t even able to fit into any of the operating suite scrubs, they were all far too small for me. Luckily the supervisor had some scrubs that had been especially made for a very large surgeon that had previously worked there and so I was given them.

I moved to Queensland later on that year and started a  new job at a hospital, again working in operating suite. Just as well I had saved my old scrubs from the previous  hospital as I needed them. I had 3 pairs which I had to wash and iron and consequently in time they became very thin in places, especially the inner thigh area. I’m no seamstress but  had to do something after another nurse quietly pulled me aside to let me know that there was a hole in the back of my scrub pants near where my thighs were, the fabric had worn that thin that it disintegrated! I was mortified and found a gown that I wore with the opening at the front so that my back was covered, and so was the hole. I patched up those scrubs as best as I could but it looked awful. Eventually all 3 sets of scrub bottoms had big holes in them which I endeavored covering up with similar coloured blue fabric.  In the end I conceded defeat and found a dressmaker who could make me new scrubs, but it cost me quite a bit, for something that I shouldn’t have had to pay for.  After all our change room had a linen trolley stacked with scrubs of different sizes for the nursing stuff. I was the only one who had to have my own made up. So embarrassing.

The rest of my story you know from my previous blogs. One thing I haven’t mentioned was probably the most embarrassing and mortifying event of my life. When I had surgery in January 2015 for an incarcerated hernia I was sent to I.C.U. post operatively due to my weight and the risk of certain complications due to my excess weight. (this is mentioned in a previous blog entry)  Click here to read: Raw truths about being so overweight. 

Once the blockage caused by the hernia was repaired I had developed diarrhoea. I got the urge and asked the nurse to please fetch a bedpan for me. (I was still in bed at this point with 2 IV’s and an arterial line in my wrist.)  Unfortunately she must have been waylaid on the way and to my utter and abject horror and disgust I just couldn’t wait any longer.  I won’t go into the details, you can imagine it for yourself. Suffice to say I was mortified, but the worst was yet to come. To clean me up and change the bed linen necessitated calling in 2 strong hospital orderlies to help me roll over so that the nurse could tend to me.

I could have curled up and died. It was the lowest point of my life. Bad enough to have had an accident in bed but to have to have 2 burly orderlies roll me over and help the nurse while she tended to me was just too much. I was in tears of humiliation and self disgust.  Had I been lighter the nurse would have been able to clean me with the assistance of another nurse, but because of my weight then (215kg) it was definitely a job for assistance of the strong kind.  Thankfully it didn’t happen again, by the afternoon I was in a normal surgical ward and able to mobilise to the ensuite toilet.  One would have thought that after that experience that I would do something about losing weight, but as always I put it off. And kept doing it, month after month, year after year, till November last year.

The rest you know.

I’ve discovered that I can stick to this program.  And I can resist the lure of biscuits in the pantry and tempting pre made frozen foods in the freezer. I can even resist fresh bread, though it is tough when I’m making sandwiches for my partners lunches for when he goes to work.  My favourite Optifast shakes are the mocha and coffee ones. The coffee one is even better when I add a spoonful of Nescafe` to it, and the mocha, well it’s just delicious as it is. My partner bought me a $15 blender from K Mart and I mix the shake powder with 200mls of water and about 6 to 8 ice cubes and blitz away. Comes out frothy and creamy and goes down a treat.

I don’t have to miss out on chocolate either. Optifast have a chocolate bar which I can have as part of  my 3 allowed Optifast products per day. I choose to have it in the evenings while watching TV in bed. Before Optifast I used to nibble away at chocolates, potato chips and a bowl of vanilla ice cream every evening. No wonder I put on so much weight. The Optifast bar tastes as  nice as the ‘naughty’ chocolate bars, and is especially good after it’s been in the fridge or freezer, nice and chewy like fudge. I break it into small pieces and make it last as long as I can. Yumm.

Salad veges do tend to be boring after a while, but there’s a great website for recipes that are Optifast friendly, and especially for those on intensive.  One of the ladies on the support group I belong to is a keen cook and uses all kinds of herbs and spices to make even bland veges more interesting to eat. This is the website: A recipe blog for those on Optifast.

I also discovered that pickled onions were a no no due to the fact that the solution they were in contained sugar. However after doing some research I discovered one brand that was allowed that had no sugar added. I checked the nutritional information and sent it to my dietician as well as checking with a representative from Optifast here in Australia and was given the green light to use it. I only have one with my salad but it helps add some flavouring to it. The brand is Three Threes Old Style pickled onions and they are in Woolworths.

Another product that I add to my salads is salad dressing. Now you may remember a previous entry on this page that I made about an incident involving salad dressing and a cyber bully.  The Great Salad Dressing War.

Usually salad dressings are a no no due to the sugar and carb content.  Yep, even those marketed as being ‘Light’ or ‘99% Fat Free’ are not always diet friendly.  In fact many ‘Light’ food products are often higher in sugar than the normal products.  That’s something my dietician has shown me to do……..reading the nutritional information on food products. What you think is perfectly fine for those of us trying to lose weight to use can in fact be sabotaging your diet.  The type of salad dressings that I like are the creamier ones, like coleslaw dressings or thousand island dressings. There was nothing suitable in the supermarkets here. Google to the rescue again. I found a product made by Walden Farms who are based in the USA. They have a range of no/low carb, no sugar, no calories, no fat products out. But before you get too excited a word of warning. They do have a lot of ‘artificial stuff’ added to them. Some of their salad dressings received terrible reviews. However I found that the Walden Farms Thousand Island salad dressing seemed to get more positive comments than the others. I consulted with my dietician and the Optifast people again and got the okay for it so ordered a bottle.  The price was a lot more than any supermarket salad dressings but I only use 10 to 15mls of it with my salad. The taste, well, on its own, not so good, but mixed with  my salad and my allowed teaspoon of extra virgin olive oil it wasn’t too bad and it certainly stopped the salad from being too bland. However it seems to be very popular and gets sold out quickly. I am halfway through my last bottle and do you think I can find a supplier that has it in stock anywhere in Australia? Nope! Googled for a day and not one of the many suppliers of Walden Farms products had any thousand island dressing available.  In the end I resorted to looking on eBay and finally found a seller. In England. Yep, the other side of the world. However the cost of a bottle of the dressing was on par with most of the sellers here in Australia and unlike the Australian sellers this company included free shipping. So buying a couple of bottles of the dressing from a company in England worked out cheaper than buying it from any Australian seller. Go figure! This is the salad dressing I’m using.

I mentioned my previous habit of snacking on the wrong foods in the evenings, and as well as the Optifast chocolate bars there’s also another Optifast product that is delicious and makes you feel like you are indulging in something definitely not for consumption when on a diet. It’s the Optifast Lemon Creme dessert. You prepare it a few hours before you eat it and it’s like a really thick custard in consistency with a lemon taste. I enjoy mine made up in a small bowl with diabetic, no sugar lime or raspberry jelly on top. It’s almost like a parfait and very enjoyable. Makes up for not being able to have my Streets Blue Ribbon Ice cream.  Even if you aren’t on Optifast you can still buy a box of 8 of these and enjoy eating them. They have 201 calories per sachet and are mixed with 200mls of cold water and refrigerated till ready to eat.

Speaking of water someone was wanting me to explain on here why water is so important to those of us dieting and especially on Optifast.  If following the Optifast program at any stage it is essential that you drink at least 2 litres of water per day,  preferably more. There are a few reasons why it is so important:

• Doctors have found that people often mistake thirst for hunger. When their body is sending the “thirsty” signal, they think that they are hungry and reach for a snack instead of a drink. If you want to take control of your eating habits, try drinking a glass of water every time you want to eat a snack, and you will find that the water often satisfies your needs. Remember light to clear urine will indicate you are hydrated.
• Additionally, water is important for every cell in your body. It impacts your energy levels, digestion, and nutrient absorption. If you aren’t getting enough water, then your digestive system might slow down, and it could result in reduced energy levels. Constipation is another result of insufficient water intake.
• It is proven that drinking cold water, especially icy cold water will help you to burn up to 400 extra kilojoules per day for every 2L of water you drink, which the equivalent of an extra snack every single day.

What I try to do is aim for 2 and a half litres per day minimum. The majority of that is water (this is extra water on top of what’s included in the shakes) and I also have diet cordial and water with the occasional diet soft drink, but only about 400 mls of soft drink in a day.

More information about water consumption can be found here: How drinking water helps to lose weight.

Of course one of the results of drinking so much water is the increased need to visit the toilet. In our household it’s not as easy as just dashing up the hallway or into the ensuite. There’s usually a Golden Retriever or Ragdoll cat to block the way. The Golden is easy, he gets up pretty fast when he’s asked, but the cat….. It’s just all so much of an effort for him to move, he blocks the hallway like a furry speed bump, looking up and miaowing feebly when I’m in a rush and yelling, “Out of the way Max!”  It’s easier to just use the side of my foot to gently move him to one side, like a broom sweeps aside rubbish. At least I’m getting some exercise with my frequent trips to the loo.

I hope whoever is reading this blog doesn’t find it all too boring. I try to insert some  humour here and there. I’m finding that by doing this it is keeping my hands busy and my mind off food. Plus if I’m feeling fed up with everything it will be good to read back to see how far I have come since the start, and the reasons why I am doing this.  And definitely once I’ve lost my excess weight it will be good for me to look back at my weight loss journey and be reminded about how bad it was to be so heavy and why it’s so important that I do my best to not regain that weight again.  At this stage I have a long, long ‘weigh’ to go. Pun intended.

 

 

 

 

 

Here I am at week 10, and apart from a small cheat day on Christmas day I have stuck to the program. When I say small cheat day I mean it in comparison to other times I have taken time off my diet to enjoy ‘naughty foods’.  In the past when I broke my diet I really broke it, big time. Eating chocolates, potato chips, having battered fish and chips, ice cream, you get the idea.  Christmas day was not like that, and my blog from that week details what I ate then.  So it’s been 10 weeks of Optifast products and shakes, 10 weeks of drinking at least 2 litres of fluid a day and 10 weeks of vegetables and allowed protein. Next Friday week I’m off to the phlebotomist for blood tests to make sure all is going well with the liver and kidneys (and everything else) as sometimes being on Intensive can impact on them necessitating in coming off Intensive and going to Active 2 which involves a few more food options, dairy being one of them.  Hopefully though my blood tests will be okay, and I can continue on Intensive for at least another 12 weeks. Ideally my aim is to remain on it for a few months seeing as I have so much weight to lose and at 60 years of age the sooner it comes off the better.

I have found since losing what weight I’ve lost so far that I’m not as puffed as I was when getting in and out of bed, and I was even able to lay on my side for a period of time without feeling that I was suffocating. Unfortunately it was rather uncomfortable for my hip and since then my left hip area has been aching and making it harder to get up from a seated position. Hopefully this is just transient and will disappear as the weight comes off.

After such a good loss last week I wasn’t expecting another similar loss, the main thing being the number on the scales went down, but as I’ve not had a plateau yet I was a bit anxious as I stepped on the scales.  “209 kg.” the little voice announced.  1kg kicked to the kerb!!! Okay it wasn’t a huge loss but to me it marks a mini milestone. I’ve now lost 20.3kg.  My next mini goal is to be under 200kg.  You are probably shaking your head and thinking “Bloody hell, 200kg! That’s still a massive amount of weight to be carrying, certainly not to be celebrated.” And you are right. But remember I started off at just over 229kg and once I get to 199kg that’s 30kg off my body.  I am still morbidly obese though, with a BMI higher than most doctors see in years of practice. My heart, lungs and kidneys work much harder than most peoples just to keep me alive.  They have hundreds of miles of capillaries taking blood to the deposits of fat in those organs trying to maintain those precious organs and keep them nourished. My body is carrying over 100kg of excess weight right now. Imagine trying to lift an object weighing that much. I doubt very much that you could, unless you were a weightlifter. For me to reach a loss of 30kg is for some women half of their body weight. Definitely something for me to aim towards.  If I can make that goal by my 61st birthday in early March that will be the best present!  At least my weight has been going downwards, regardless of the amount lost per week.

I found some weight loss mantras while surfing the net and thought I might share them here. It helps me to remain focused and maybe others will also find them of benefit. I found them on this website, Mantras for Weight Loss Motivation and will give credit to the author as I post them here. The ‘weight’ amounts will be in pounds as the article was US based.

“Many of us lean on food for comfort rather than for the purpose of satisfying physical hunger. If you are rummaging through the refrigerator or the cabinets and nothing healthy is hitting the spot or appealing to you, chances are it isn’t physical hunger that’s driving you towards food. Stopping to acknowledge that is so significant…someone who is truly, physically hungry will eat the apple or another healthy item to satisfy a basic, physical need for food.”—Dayna Miller who lost 92 pounds

“Stress or emotional eating is a way of soothing ourselves, but if we just faced the stuff that is driving us to eat too much, we can unwind the issues and, therefore, the behavior. I used this for my own journey and now use it to help others. When we’re not eating to soothe ourselves, we save a whole bunch of calories. That infuriating meeting doesn’t have to drive me to doughnuts. If I stop and think about why I’m barreling towards food for comfort, I stop and remind myself to face my stuff instead of stuffing my face. It’s just goofy enough to help me snap out of an unhelpful pattern so I can make a better choice.”—Renee Jones who lost 30 pounds

“I love swimming and I love the pool and the ocean. So this quote, from the movie Finding Nemo, to me embodies persistence, love, family, friends that become family, and true purpose in life. It also ties into my feelings that everything happens for a reason and the other saying, ‘this too shall pass.’ The mantra has worked for my 35-pound weight loss because I know that, if I keep swimming, I will reach my goal and continue to live this life that I love.”—Melissa Galante  who lost 34 pounds

“Like many working women, I often struggle with stress and never seeming to have enough time. It’s times like that when I’m more likely to have a piece of that office birthday cake or splurge on an unhealthy lunch. But when I take the time to prepare for my week, making meals ahead of time and stocking up on healthy snacks, I see a bigger loss on the scale. Even better, is how it makes me feel more in control of my life and less like ‘eating my feelings.’”—Amy Knierim who lost 33 pounds.

“I know I’m not the fastest when it comes to dropping pounds, but at least I know I am doing my best and that I keep trying day after day. I find motivation from the fact that I am at least doing better than those sitting on the couch giving up.”—Jennifer Davison VanderWerf who lost 25 pounds.

“As a registered dietitian, I use this one with my clients when they are reaching for a snack or something that isn’t necessarily the best choice. I ask them to say ‘HALT’ and then ask whether or not they are hungry, angry, lonely or tired. If hunger is not the first answer then usually it’s best to set a timer for 15 minutes and try to let the craving pass.”—Eliza Savage who has helped clients lose hundreds of pounds.

“Like many dieters, I would stick to my diet plan for a while, then slip up and announce I had fallen off the wagon. This would then give me an excuse to write off the rest of the week and continue eating ‘naughty’ foods. I knew I needed to stop this pattern of behavior and, finally, I had a moment of clarity. I decided to change ‘I fell off the wagon’ to ‘I made a bad choice.’ I was able to acknowledge that I’d eaten something I hadn’t intended to, put it behind me and moved on while sticking to my diet.”—Lizi Jackson-Barrett who lost 70 pounds.

“I have this written inside my ‘snack’ cabinet in my kitchen. As much as I absolutely love the feeling of eating healthy and staying on-plan, I know that I am just one crisis, thought or feeling away from a slip-up. For this reason, I plan ahead. I make sure I always have a healthy, grab-and-go snack available in my fridge or cabinet. It’s saved me many times.”—Denise Sowder who lost 265 pounds.

This next one especially resonates with me. It would be wonderful to lose all the excess weight overnight, but that’s not how it works.

“The reason this resonates with me is that it’s a reminder that weight loss is, and always will be, a lifetime struggle. The daily decisions are the ones that add up to success. I didn’t become overweight because of one unhealthy meal and I won’t reach my goal because of one healthy choice. Sometimes weight loss seems overwhelming, whether it is 5, 15 or 100 pounds to go, but if you focus on one pound at a time, it becomes more manageable. Before you know it, that one pound becomes 5, then 15 and so on. Focusing on small goals makes it more attainable.”—Lauren Camasta who lost 75 pounds

Anyways, that’s it for this week. Not much humour I’m afraid. But then struggling to lose weight isn’t all that funny, it’s hard work. Thank you for reading.

               

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had a bit of a rough time earlier in the week mood wise as I posted about previously, but I still stuck to the program, even with the smell of toasted sandwiches, toast and other forbidden goodies wafting through the house.  I can’t very well tell hubby to go elsewhere to prepare his food and eat it, nor could I refuse to cook him the foods he likes. He’s definitely not a salad person, he can’t stand anything like that, and his favourite veges are definite no goes with the Optifast intensive program.  Just as well I can’t stand the smell or sight of the cat or dog food or we’d be in big trouble. I can just imagine the standoff I’d have with Golden Retriever Ollie and I at mealtimes. Upper lip pulled back, nose all wrinkled, teeth bared, menacing growls………….and that’s just from me!

I have noticed a couple of small non scale victories as they call them. For a few years now I’ve not been able to wash my feet in the shower. They were just beyond my reach. I’d try to bend down to reach them and only get just past my knees. To wash my lower legs and feet I had to use a basin of water whilst sitting on a chair. Well this week I did it! I actually was able to wash the tops of my feet. Okay it wasn’t all that easy but I did it. I guess it doesn’t seem like too much but to me it’s a  mini goal reached.  I’ve also noticed that I have lost one of my multiple chins and my face doesn’t seem quite as full as it was.  At least I think that’s the case when I compare a photo taken early in December to one taken today.

So this morning I had my fingers and toes crossed as I dragged out the scales and stood on them, hoping that I would have lost weight again.

210 kilograms the scales said! That was a loss of 2.7kg from the previous week and brought my total weight loss to 19.3kg since November 12th.  I now weigh less than what I was back in January 2015. I’m hoping that by my birthday, or at least the end of March, that I’ll reach 200kg or less! That is one of my bigger goals. Hopefully then I will be able to fit behind the steering wheel of the car again and be able to drive myself to my dietician appointments instead of hubby having to do it. I’m so happy with Optifast, it’s a simple program for me to follow and the weight is coming off. I know I have a long, long ‘weigh’ to go, pun intended, but I will get there.

Just a short blog post this week as I had already put up a couple of other posts earlier in the week.  In closing I found this picture on line and thought it a good one to share.

Thanks to anyone reading this, and please feel free to add a comment. If unsure how to you just look down at the bottom of the post and you’ll see the following (see picture below).  Click on where it says ‘Leave a Comment’ and follow the prompts. I have to approve each one first usually so it might not show up for a few hours or so.

Till next time.

 

I see so many people saying this on diet forums, “Maybe you’ve put on muscle. After all, a kilogram of muscle weighs more than a kilogram of fat.”

Aghhhhhhh! A kilogram is a kilogram! It’s the same amount. When people are dieting and exercising yet not losing weight, or maybe have gained a bit, they are reassured by so many people that it’s the fact that they’ve built up their muscles and ‘muscle weighs more than fat you know.’

It doesn’t! Pure and simple. That is a myth that keeps cropping up. People mean well but they do need to do the research.

Example, you have 1 tonne of feathers and 1 tonne of bricks.  Obviously to bring in a tonne of feathers would take multiple truckloads and they’d be taking up a monstrous amount of space. A tonne of bricks would probably fit into the back of a single car trailer. They both weigh the same but obviously the pile of feathers will be much, much bigger than the pile of bricks.

 

So obviously if you had 1 kilogram of fat and 1 kilogram of muscle there would be a difference in the amount of space that fat takes up, even though both weigh the same.

Okay, the picture says 5 pounds of fat and muscle and not kilograms, but the principal is the same. (Just pretend it says 1kg of fat and 1kg of muscle in the picture.) So, as you can see from the picture above, the weight of the fat and the muscle are exactly the same however the fat is taking up much more volume, much more space than the muscle. This is because muscle is denser than fat, which in simplistic terms means it takes up less space than fat.  So if you think of this in terms of a human body, Two people may be the same height and weight, but the person with a higher body fat percentage will wear a larger clothing size.  This is due to the fact that even though both people weigh the same, the “larger” person has a higher percentage of their weight coming from fat.  This as we have learnt takes up more space.  So, they weigh the same, they are the same height, but due one of the individuals having more fat which takes up more space, and the other individual having more lean muscle tissue which proportionately takes up less space, then the person with a higher fat to lean mass ratio will take up more space, thus the larger dress size.

It is clear from these images of real women that a woman can be the same height and the same weight, but look COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.  This is because the components of what is making up this weight has changed.  A lady with less fat, and more lean muscle tissue can actually look smaller (due to the muscle taking up less space) but be exactly the same weight.  As you can see from the both images, the lady has significantly more lean muscle mass than in the before photo, however they are actually lighter and slightly smaller/leaner.  This is simply due to everything we have mentioned above, more muscle tissue which takes up less space and less fat tissue which takes up more space. The result is a leaner, smaller body at the same weight.

So the next time someone is upset because they have been dieting and going to the gym and either haven’t lost weight or maybe gained a little bit, and you see a person trying to make them feel better by telling them that they’ve gained muscle and muscle weighs more, perhaps interject and debunk that myth for them.

**The text in italics comes directly from the article in this link and credit goes to the author of that article. Does muscle weigh more than fat?

 

 

 

 

 

Having a bit of a rough day today. A bit emotional and weepy. I can’t blame it on ‘that time of the month’ because that was over years ago for me. It’s actually been the past few days that have been rocky as far as my emotions go.

I haven’t broken my diet at all, but the temptations are there.  Hubby makes himself toast or a toast sandwich and the smell of them is just so good. I sorely miss my hot buttered toast with jam.  Or a toasted tomato and cheese sandwich or two.  Then there’s the sweet biscuits he has with his morning tea around 10.30am. I see them and would just love to grab a few out of the container and eat them.

Trouble is that one or two biscuits would lead to me eating half the pack. A couple of pieces of toast would be slathered in butter and jam. Then I’d go back for more.  A toasted sandwich would be two toasted sandwiches.

So I  had a cry and went to the refrigerator.

And poured out a big glass of water with some diet cordial added to it. Trying to eliminate the pangs of temptation. I figured that seeing as we need to drink 2 litres per day or more on this program I may as well just drown my sorrows.

I  decided to look on the Optifast support group page on Facebook that I belong to. Hoping to find some sort of inspiration to keep me focused.  And there it was. A post from a woman who had been on Optifast for a year today. Her heaviest weight was over 150kg, she was only  a few years  younger than me. She was on insulin for diabetes, was on medication for high blood pressure and had hypothyroidism. She was confined to her house, miserable, not living life the way she should. 12 months later her life is completely different. Her post read: “I’m now 88kg. I am not on insulin anymore, I’m not on bp tablets anymore. I can walk on my treadmill with ease.
I can deal with the hot humid Brisbane summer. I am starting to live not merely exist.” 

Her goal weight is what I’d like to get down to, around 78 to 84kg. Her post was exactly what I needed to read today to keep me motivated. So I dug deep and went to prepare my lunch. Because I wanted to live again. Not exist, confined to the walls of our home, struggling to walk, a heart attack waiting to happen.  I wanted the life I deserved.

One day I will get my life back again. Till then it’s a day at a time, a meal at a time.