What a week this has been. On Friday we finally found our new (used) car after doing so many online searches that I dreamed about cars the night before. A SUV that we both can get in and out of without struggling, and best of all………………..

I CAN FIT BEHIND THE STEERING WHEEL!!!

Okay, so that might not be a big deal to the rest of you who think nothing of jumping behind the steering wheel of your car and driving somewhere, but I have not driven a car since 19th March 2016, the day my daughter got married. Yep, 3 years. Why? Because I couldn’t fit behind the steering wheel of our old car. The steering wheel would be wedged so tightly against my stomach that everytime I exhaled the horn would go off, lol. And turning the wheel was really hard as my stomach was getting in the way.  Kind of like this poor persons.

So why not push the seat back you ask? Well yes I could, but I then had the problem of not being able to reach the pedals, which is a bit of an issue when it comes to driving. Using the tip of my right big toe is probably not the safest method of accelerating or braking in a 6 cylinder sedan. So as a result I have only been the passenger which means poor hubby has to do all the driving, and with his job being a courier driver, he gets enough driving during the week with his work. When we drove to Newcastle in November 2015 for my son’s march out from infantry training at Singleton he was stuck with all the driving the whole time.  Not just that but not fitting behind the wheel meant I was housebound.   He was worried that if for some reason I had to go out while he was at work (eg if I received a phone call from my daughter who lives an hour away and I needed to get to her asap) I would have to get him to come home first which could be difficult. Or if he became sick and couldn’t drive then life could be difficult.

Here’s our new wheels. Mitzy the Mitsubishi.

 

So here I am now, the part owner of a Mitsubishi Outlander Activ model (2011). Nothing flash but gets us from A to B and has ample room for our Golden Retriever Ollie. However fitting behind the steering wheel is one thing, it’s actually driving again that was making me nervous after all this time. But I did it!

Today I drove for about an hour, nervously at first, then gaining more confidence. After years of sitting on my lounge chair and only steering my wheely walker around the house it felt very odd being in the drivers seat and driving again. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. This is one of those ‘Non Scale Victories’ that I had been anticipating since I started my diet in November last year. A major victory/goal reached. I am now mobile. If I need to get someone urgently I can get in the car and drive there myself. Okay my walking ability is still not the best, but that will come in time as I build up my stamina and lose more weight. I’m pretty chuffed with myself. Paul, my partner, says he could see me smiling as I gained confidence behind the steering wheel after years of being a passenger. Heck, I didn’t even mind stop/start traffic or roundabouts.

And the good things didn’t stop there. As I’ve mentioned before I have a son in the Australian Army and he’s currently based in Adelaide (which is 2,000 kilometers from where we live in Brisbane for the benefit of my US readers.) He was recently doing a brief stint on board one of our navy ships and on Friday I received a message from him saying that he was docked in Brisbane and had weekend leave. So we were able to pick him up from the wharf and have him home with us for the weekend. That was indeed an unexpected and very welcome surprise.  I wasn’t expecting to see him again till December so it was an early Mothers Day present.  As he wasn’t sailing back to Adelaide with the ship (flying back on the Sunday evening instead) he had some of his Army kit with him, one being the bullet proof vest that they wear. Or tiered body armour as they call it I believe.  I picked it up and was amazed at how heavy it was. It’s similar to this photo.

When I asked my son what the weight was he said approximately 7kg as it was, before adding the things they do when they are out field. 7kg seemed so heavy to me, and yet it was just a small part of the weight I had lost. That really helped me realise how far I had come since I started my diet. No way would I be able to put on that armour and walk around with it all day and yet I had been carrying  6 times that amount on my body before Optifast.

I had the weirdest dream last night. I was out with Paul and we had stopped at a take away food shop across from a beach and I was eating a large serve of battered whiting and hot chips. I swear I could taste every mouthful and yum was it delicious. I remember waking up and actually feeling guilty because I had eaten all those calories and thinking that no way would I be losing any weight this week because of that.  It was just so vivid and real. And of course today all I have been thinking of is those beer battered whiting fillets, all crunchy and golden, with a serve of hot chips.  So I will just have to look at a photo of it instead, because I am not going out to buy some to eat. Maybe I will have it as one of my planned ‘days off’ in a couple of months.

I was thinking back to all the diets and weight loss gimmicks that I have tried over the years and they make a pretty formidable list.  Here’s a rundown:

• Weight Watchers in 1975, back in the days where you had to eat liver at least once a week. Yuck!
• Israeli Army Diet. That was 2 days of eating nothing but apples, followed by 2 days of cheese, followed by 2 days of chicken and then 2 days of salad. Supposedly a quick way to lose weight.
• Atkins diet.
• Acupuncture. Not just the small needles they insert into various parts of your body in the treatment room but one part was a small staple or something that was put into your ear and every time you felt hungry you were supposed to rub it or something.
• Hypnotherapy.
• Limmits weight loss biscuits. They came in different flavours and you supposedly could eat these instead of a normal meal and lose weight.  The picture below is from the 1960’s but gives an idea of what the packets were like and the different flavours. Also a link to an old TV ad is found here: Limmits TV commercial 1980’s.

• More Weight Watchers.
• Duramine tablets which were essentially speed. You couldn’t sleep, your blood pressure would go up, you’d be jittery and unable to sit still. It’s still being used today.
• Gloria Marshall. She was a lady who had her ‘salons’ all over the place. You’d be given a diet to follow but the main thing about going to a Gloria Marshall figure salon were the machines that supposedly would sculpt and tone your body. This video clip shows what I mean.   Gloria Marshall exercise equipment
• Gastric stapling in 1985. I was almost 130kgs when I had it done, and before starting Optifast last year I was 229.3kg. So did it work for me? Not long term no. I did initially lose weight, getting down to about 75 kilos, but following the birth of my kids and my bad eating habits the weight piled back on. I’m sure the staples have popped or my stomach has stretched because I can eat normal portions of food now, not the small amounts I started off with.
• Normal dieting, and eating healthy foods. After a few days or a couple of weeks I got pretty bored with it and would sneak in cheat days which became cheat weeks which became cheat months……….you get my drift? In other words I gave up. It just got too hard.
• Weight watchers again. (fingers crossed, 3rd time lucky. Guess what? It wasn’t.) I would go to the meeting hall, weigh in, cringe when I saw I’d not lost anything or even gained weight and leave again. Rarely stayed for the meetings. I must have spent a fortune on membership and weekly dues, not to mention buying their scales, cookbooks and other Weight Watchers items.
• Another weight loss group in a small town I was living in. This was around the years 2003 to 2005.  I was not successful with them either. Lost some weight, but put it all back on again fairly quickly after I got sick of turning up every week.
• Tony Ferguson weight loss shakes. These were very popular around 2006 or so, available in lots of different flavours. They weren’t too bad but really the only thing that got lighter was my purse.
• 2012 to 2014 I joined a local weight loss group. They weren’t as regimented as Weight Watchers and didn’t really have a diet plan as such. You’d weigh in, have a cuppa and chat and then the meeting would start. Sometimes there’d be guest speakers, once a month there was taste testing of ‘healthy’ foods and of course around Christmas time there’d be the end of year Christmas party where diet food was definitely not really included. The first time I joined I was so heavy that it was suggested that I be taken down the road to the local produce store to be weighed on their scales! I refused to do that, how humiliating to be weighed on the same scales used to weigh chaff and produce on. However they were able to find a set of scales to cater to my weight so I could weigh in without the world seeing. With them I lost some weight, but then I’d put on weight too. Same old story, turn up, weigh in, go home. Or just not turn up for a few weeks, then get to feeling guilty, so front up again, face the scales, accepted the weight gain and so on and so on.
• 2015 was one year I should have really stuck to my diet plan because in the January I ended up in hospital due to an incarcerated hernia that required surgery. I was by that stage about 215kgs and I had to wait for a special ambulance, (bariatric ambulance with heavy duty trolley) to transfer me to a larger city hospital as my local hospital deemed me too much of a anaesthetic and surgical risk to operate on me there. Luckily I made it through the surgery okay, even though I was sent to ICU overnight for observation.
• Over the next 3 years from 2015 I attempted a few diets again, weight loss shakes, sensible eating, but the same old bad habits just kept cropping up.
• Late October 2018 was the proverbial kick in the pants that I needed. A health scare and the fact that I was by then housebound and very limited with mobility was exactly the spur to get me onto Optifast. And here I am today.

And week 24 of my being on Optifast has come.  I’m assuming my blood tests were all okay as the doctor has not contacted me to advise me otherwise. Usually if there’s any reason for concern I would have received a phone call and asked to come in to see her. So I shall be continuing on intensive with my added extra protein for another 12 weeks.  Weigh in today revealed a 1.3 kilogram loss, not a huge amount but it has now brought me to a total weight loss of 45 kilograms. That’s just over 99 pounds for anyone who goes by the old imperial measurements. Pretty stoked with that result. Remember, I don’t really do any exercise other than walking around the house…….and running to the toilet because of all the water I drink.

And that’s it for another week.  Went for another drive this morning, it felt so good being behind the wheel again.  Thanks again for reading.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wow, was I pissed off when I woke up this morning.

I mean that in the literal sense by the way.

5 times I got up to empty my bladder last night. Between 9pm and 8am. FIVE TIMES!! And that was after consuming my last glass of fluid at about 3.45pm that afternoon, aside from maybe 50 mls of water when I took my night time tablets around 8.15pm. Consequently it made for a very broken nights sleep, and a very tired me who would have killed for a decent cup of coffee. Instead it was a coffee shake with a extra hit of coffee granules to kick start my morning. There’s certainly nothing wrong with my kidney function that’s for sure.

I was excited this week to discover that I have a couple of new people following my blog.  Welcome!

A very short blog entry this week as I have been fairly busy today. Went looking in car yards for a replacement vehicle for our Ford Falcon XR6. It’s getting on in years, and as we are getting older we are both finding it harder to get in, and especially out, of such a low vehicle. Not to mention a few other issues that it has. So between that outing and browsing on line for cars I just haven’t had the time I usually have to write my blog. Still haven’t decided on a car though. Today being ANZAC day of course meant that everything was closed, as they should be on such a significant day. For my readers in the USA you will find more information about what ANZAC day is all about here.  ANZAC Day

Basically it’s similar to your Memorial Day however where you have Memorial Day on the last Monday of May, our ANZAC day is held on 25th April every year to remember the Australian and New Zealand troops who served in the Gallipoli campaign.

Today I remember my late father who served in World War II as part of the Australian Army. He was stationed in Malaysia with the 8th Division Signals and spent time in Changi Prison as a prisoner of war of the Japanese. Thousands of Allied troops died at the hands of the Japanese during the war, and as a prisoner they were subject to cruelty and near starvation, not to mention suffering many horrible diseases as a result of their conditions.  Not only do I remember my father, but my son who is currently a soldier in the Australian Army in the Infantry.

Twenty three weeks of Optifast and I’m still going strong with only 2 planned ‘days off’. My partner has told me how proud he is of me for sticking it out for this long. He admitted that prior to losing my weight my breathing while asleep (a nice word for snoring), or lack of breathing at times, was downright scary. Apparently some nights I’d be gasping for air after failing to breathe for a time. Obviously I had sleep apnoea pretty badly, and I guess should have sleep studies done. Thing is, I can’t stand the thought of wearing a CPAP mask, so if losing weight means the sleep apnoea stops, then all the better.

So after being up most of the night and emptying my bladder I was pretty sure that I would have lost more weight in this past week, and I was right. 2 kilograms gone. (that’s 4.4 pounds).  That’s a total weight loss now of 43.7 kilograms or 96.3 pounds!

My monthly weight loss so far this year is below. February was sure a good month for me!

I saw this old ad online and thought how wonderful it would be if such a product existed!

Anyways, that’s it for this month. Sorry for those who may have been looking forward to my usual lengthy rant. Everyone else………..yeah okay, I can hear you cheering from here!

Thanks again for taking the time to read my posts on here.

 

The day before Easter and the only eggs in this household are found in the fridge, in an egg carton. Not chocolate eggs either. Not even a hot cross bun in the house. The decision was made, well I made it, and my sweet man agreed, was that to make it easier for me to avoid the temptations of chocolate and hot cross buns it would be best to just not buy any.  Just as well because the mere thought of a hot cross bun slathered in butter is mouth watering.  I haven’t even looked at any of the junk mail catalogues because I know that they will be filled with chocolates and the like. Heck, there’s even hot cross bun ice cream out!  Nope, out of site, out of mind.  It’s lucky that there’s no youngsters in the house to buy that sort of stuff for.

It’s been just over 22 weeks since I started Optifast, and today I went to see my doctor to have a brief chat about staying on intensive for another 12 weeks, and get a request form for blood tests just to check all is well.  I asked her about the last lot of blood tests that I had done and she said that they were great, and when I told her that I had lost over 40 kilograms now she was really pleased for me, and amazed at how much I had lost in a relatively short time considering my age.  I explained the different stages of the program to her as while she was aware Optifast was great for weight loss, she wasn’t exactly sure on what it entailed.  She was quite happy for me to stay on intensive for longer, provided my blood tests are okay.  My dietician will get the results next week some time and as always if there are any concerns my doctor will phone me, but she didn’t anticipate any problems.

I have seen a number of people who are in the support group finding it hard going. They either get to day 2 or 3 and fall victim to the dreaded ‘keto flu’ as it’s called and reach for comfort (not allowed on Optifast) type food, or have a social outing or birthday celebration etc  and eat the wrong foods. Or they have been on the program for a while but gone off track due to personal problems at home, stress, travel, illness or other reasons.  Feeling guilty or miserable or a combination of both they post on the page, admitting to what they have done and beating themselves up about it. Thankfully those people get a lot of support and advice from everyone, because we have all been there and done that.  Heck I have fallen off the wagon so many times and ended up sabotaging myself completely by continuing to eat the wrong foods.  That was in the past though.  I have been on Optifast for 157 days now. Yep, I just worked it out. And of that 157 days I have 2 days where my wagon has taken a slight detour, and I have enjoyed some non Optifast program meals.  Notice I wrote that the wagon only took a detour, because that’s all it was. I may have detoured, but I reset my GPS and got back on the right road.  It’s all about mindset and focusing on why you opted to start Optifast in the first place. Obviously it’s to lose weight, but sometimes there are other reasons. Maybe it’s for a wedding that’s coming up, maybe even your own and you want to fit into that perfect dress. Perhaps it’s a overseas trip and you want to be a smaller size so you don’t have to ask for a seat-belt extender, or try to squeeze yourself into seat and despite wearing clothes that are designed to squish those layers of fat firmly into place you still overflow onto the seat of the person next to you.   I remember the last overseas flights that I took. What I hated was trying to hold my breath in and keep my arms and legs firmly pressed against my body so I didn’t squish into the person next to me.  Not that it helped any.  Or finding it impossible to have the tray table completely down because my huge belly was blocking it from sitting flat in front of me.  Having to walk sideways down the aisle of the plane and still brushing against people on either side. All I could do was keep repeating myself, “Oops, sorry, excuse me.” over and over again.  Yep, I have painful memories of all the above.

Or maybe you are due to have surgery and your doctor has said you have to lose X amount of weight or you can’t have it done.  Or you have young children and want to be able to play with them, race them around the park, go swimming with them without feeling self conscious about wearing a swimsuit, even though you have a oversize t shirt on over the swimsuit in the vain hope of hiding all those bulges. Yep, I have done that too. Over the years I have had all those goals in mind and over the years I have fallen by the wayside.  In one of my earlier blog entries I wrote about how embarrassed I was as mother of the bride at my daughters wedding. Too fat to fit on one of the tiny seats provided at the gardens where she got married. Too fat to fit into a nice mother of the bride outfit. Too fat to dance and walk around to chat to the guests at the wedding reception.  And definitely too fat to want to have my photo taken, let alone look back at the few photos there were taken of me.

Why did I fail so many times?  It was all about my mindset, having that determination to succeed.  While I started out each weight loss program all keen and excited, sadly, after a few days, or weeks I became bored, sick and tired of missing out on junk food and sugar laden treats. It was just impossible to stay focused.  One day off would lead to another which led to another and another and I got to the stage where I just gave up. Even in the year leading up to my own daughters wedding I just didn’t have it in me to stick to it.  I hated myself for being so weak. I would cry to myself so many times, while drowning my sorrows in a bar of chocolate or bag of chips.  I hated seeing others succeed where I had failed, and so I gave up going to my slimmers club meetings even though I liked the social aspect. I didn’t want them all to know how much of a failure I was, or so I felt. And I just couldn’t bear to see others celebrating their weight losses when I was not.

This time for some reason I decided that I wasn’t going to sabotage my efforts anymore. Maybe it was my  health scare, maybe it’s because I was sick and tired of not even being able to do  housework. Hey that’s a first, a woman wanting to be able to do the vacuuming, mopping and dusting, lol.  Maybe it’s because I was at the point where basic hygiene was becoming difficult for me to manage on my own.  Or maybe it’s because I was just sick and tired of life passing me by. Whatever it was, this time I know that I can do this. That I don’t need bars of chocolate, cream cakes etc to make me feel good.  I don’t need fast food restaurant meals to give me a ‘high’.  I get a high now, from seeing the numbers on the scales going down. Some weeks are great and I really celebrate the weeks that I have big losses.  Other weeks I may only lose a kilo or even less, but I just smile and give myself a mental pat on the back because at least the scales showed a loss.

We are all facing our own battle in the war against the bulge. And while we can ‘rally the troops’ in by getting support and encouragement from those around us, all the support and encouragement in the world won’t work unless you have your mind set to make the program work.  And if that means preparing meals in advance, even if it’s just making a menu plan for each day, that is what will help you.  If it means taking before photos just so you can see yourself as others see you, even if you hate having your photo taken, just do it. Get those photos done. And as you progress in your weight loss journey, have more photos taken, and then compare them.  It might not be a huge difference, but even the loss of some double or triple chins, as in my case, helps reinforce why you are doing this.  Each of us has within us the strength and determination to lose this extra weight we are burdening our bodies with.  Sometimes it’s a matter of digging deep and finding it and setting our goals. Maybe just small goals to start with, and when you do reach that goal, then move the goalposts a bit further back and aim for that, and so on.  On those days when you look at yourself with loathing in the mirror and feel like a failure remember that the reflection you see does not define who you are.  You can succeed. Just don’t give up, because that is how most of us ended up in this mess, and I speak for myself as a number one example.

Enough of my rambling. Weigh in day today.  The scales did not have amazing news for me this week.  It was a loss this is true, but a small loss, probably the smallest loss that I have had since starting.  Just a little loss of 400 grams this week. I even got off the scales, waited a minute and then got back on them. Standing very softly on them this time, as if that was going to make a big difference to the outcome.  Nope, still a loss of 400 grams. Bugga.  But you know what? I don’t care. It’s still a loss after all. The number on the scales still went down and that’s what was important.  All those little losses do add up.  And I had a couple of NSV’s as well today. (Non Scale Victories we call them). The first one is when I used to go to the doctors before I had to perch the very edge of my bottom on the end of the chair in her office because the seat had arms and my body just wouldn’t fit to allow me to sit properly on the seat.  Today I could actually sit my whole (very ample) backside on the whole seat.  Yes, the arms still cut into my sides a little bit, but the thing was I fit on the seat where even just 12 weeks before, I couldn’t fit.  The second was when I went to have my blood taken and I had to step up on the step to sit on the chair that the phlebotomist has the patients sit on, the ones that have two big padded flat armrests for resting your arms on so that they can access your veins without bending over like with a normal chair.  Back in late October last year I just couldn’t climb on, even a lowish step was beyond me. 12 weeks ago it took a minute or so but I managed to get up there by using my stick to help me. Today I simply backed up and sat down, then pushed myself back comfortably.  Okay, not a big deal to those of you who have never struggled with such things, but to me they were a couple more goals reached.

So now I have lost 41.7 kilograms. And I’m celebrating that!

So that’s it for another week. Please excuse the rambling. I hope that my words have helped those of you who might be battling those inner demons that are stopping you from sticking to the program. If you are just starting out remember that those first few days are the toughest. Just focus on getting through half a day at a time, or a day at a time. As the saying goes:

And because this is a weight loss blog, here’s my Easter greeting for you all.

One last ‘funny’. Diets can be so confusing, and this is why.

 

Someone on the Facebook support group I belong to recently posted about their experience after consuming DD lollies, and it brought back rather painful, and humiliating memories of my own ordeal. Looking back on it now, I can sort of see the humour in it, especially after reading some reviews on line. So I thought I would dedicate a entry in my blog to all of those who have lived through their own DD diarrhoea disaster. Here is my story:

For someone with a sweet tooth such as myself the hardest part about a diet is not being able to eat sweets.  For those times when you are relaxing in front of the TV or reading a book and your hand reaches for chocolates or lollies. I was like that. Evenings were the worst. I just had to be nibbling on something. Trouble is when you go to bed around 7pm or so every night to watch your favourite mindless reality TV show, or a few episodes of your favourite TV series on DVD the old habits of wanting to nibble on something are still there.

Yes, I do have my Optifast chocolate bar in the evenings, but even after that I still feel the need to nibble.  Sometimes cherry tomatoes just don’t cut it you know? And one thing I discovered  was that there were sugar free lollies available at the local supermarket, or by ordering on line. Double D is the brand name and one of the most popular varieties they stock are the Gummy bears.  Here’s what the pack looks like.

Now because it has artificial sweeteners in it there is a small bit of writing on the back warning you that excessive consumption may cause a laxative effect or upset stomach. Note the keyword is ‘may cause’.  Another key word ‘excessive’. Remember that.

The day I bought them I was looking forward to chilling out while watching The Walking Dead series on DVD and nibbling a few gummy bears. After all, what could be more pleasant while watching zombies munching away on living flesh with the associated blood, gore and screams, than biting the heads off a few gummy bears and chewing their bodies?  So there I was that evening, enjoying a few sweet treats and watching my show. I hadn’t eaten too many, maybe 5 or 6 so I had confidence that my gut could easily handle it.  All was good and I enjoyed a pleasant nights sleep as usual. The next morning my stomach felt a little, well, off. Some mild cramping type pains that weren’t too bad, although the flatulence that accompanied meant I was not pleasant to be around. Still, my partner was out shopping that morning, and that only left me with the dog and cats.

As always I meandered up to the kitchen after getting dressed, and started preparing my morning shake. By this stage I was starting to feel a little unwell, the stomach cramps began getting worse, as was the flatulence, and the dog began backing away from me for some reason.  Shake in hand I sat down on my lounge chair and turned on my laptop to check my emails and read over Facebook.

Then IT happened.

My stomach cramped up badly and I had the urge to get to the toilet. FAST. Make that very, very FAST! I shoved the laptop to one side and grabbed my wheely walker. OMG, what was happening to me?? Why was the toilet so far away? I squeezed my buttock cheeks tight and clenched my bottom as I realised the urgency of the situation.

My wheely walker wheels burned rubber on the tiles as I hurtled at warp speed for the toilet. I could feel the flatulence building and it had to come out before I exploded so slightly released my buttock clenching and anal sphincter to ‘let the wind go free’ as the saying goes.  The toilet was still a few feet away!  “Shit, shit, shit!!” I yelled out meaning it both figuratively and literally! It was shit alright!

Well it wasn’t wind was it? Oh no!!!! I literally had shit my pants like a baby!  Where was that bloody toilet? Shoving my walker to one side I raced into the toilet and fumbled with my clothing as I began to sit down on the toilet seat. What followed was an explosion of cataclysmic proportions. It was like a bomb had detonated in my guts. I moaned and groaned and cried as I saw the mess on my clothing. How long I sat there for I don’t know, but it felt like Warragamba Dam had burst its banks and in full flood.  My own floodgates were well and truly opened, trust me! There was no holding back.  The dog took one smell and immediately retreated to the back door. The cats dove into their ‘bunker’ under the lounge.  I wanted to die!

Eventually the urgency passed and I felt completely drained. Drained of energy and drained of the contents of my colon.  Half a roll of toilet paper vanished, and the bottle of toilet cleaner was drained as I cleaned the bowl after flushing what remained of those bloody Gummy Bears down the sewer.  I sprayed air freshener around till I started sneezing.  Sneezing is not a good thing when you have Gummy Bear diarrhoea trust me.  Shaking and humiliated I jumped into the shower and scrubbed myself clean,  found clean clothes to wear, and then threw my soiled clothes into the washing machine.  I managed to get back to my chair and sit down to catch my breath.  The grumbling of my gut started again. This time I was prepared. At the first grumble I was up and burning rubber again as I headed back to the toilet. Once more the porcelain bowl echoed the sounds of my gummy bear explosions.  I was moaning by this stage.  Eventually I made my way back to my chair. Wondering if maybe I should have a bucket close by in case. No, surely that was it, surely there would be no further explosions.  I was wrong. Two more visits were to come before my poor guts finally gave me peace. I found a box of Gastro stop capsules and immediately took 3. Later on I took another 2 for good measure, wishing that I had some cement mix powder handy to add to my glass of water to solidify whatever remained inside my intestinal tract.

Have you heard of the song ‘Ring of Fire’ by Johnny Cash?

 

That could have been written to describe my own ‘ring of fire’, which is what it was by now.  Since that episode I have not touched another Gummy Bear. I’m not game.  As a nurse I remember patients having to undergo colonoscopies being given a product mixed with water to clean out their bowels.  They don’t need special stuff like that. All they need to do is eat a few Gummy Bears.

Today when I read that persons post about their experience with DD sugar free lollies it brought back those painful memories.  Other people also commented, and one included a link to a product review page where other poor souls shared their experiences after consuming gummy bears.  I thought I might share a couple of the more amusing ones here.   DD gummy bears reviews

 

One more:

I’m doing keto, so seeing these bad boys tempting me near the cash register felt like a gift from God himself. Sugar free gummies? In various flavours? I literally whispered “thank you science” under my breath as I purchased them without hesitation. I ate half a packet of the gummy bears and half of the coke bottles an hour before bed.

Fast forward to 4am and plot twist: I shat the bed. Like hot lava spilling from my volcanic rectum, history had repeated itself— I was reliving the nightmarish events of Pompeii, only I was Mt Vesuvius, the toilet and my bed were the unsuspecting citizens, and the deadly volcanic ash was my firey poo juice. It was everywhere. After half an hour, I did what any intelligent survivor would do and resorted to the shower. A being with all hope lost, pooping and farting on the shower floor, while the sweet chirps of the rising morning birds rang in the distance. The only glimmer of joy I could find in this moment was how impressively long and robust my toots were— my back was singing sweeter than a barbershop quartet.

Needless to say, I called in sick to work this morning. And you’ll have to as well if you make the same mistake. Your “call in sick”email will be so vague and so bereft of detail that it’s certain your boss won’t believe you and you’ll get fired. Maybe that’s the anxiety talking— or just these god damn gummi bears created by Hades himself. Good luck commrades.

Note: read the fine print. These gummies have at least the decency to warn you that they will destroy your insides.

They taste great though.

So there you have it. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.  Always read the fine print at the back of sugar free products, and bear in mind that when they say ‘excessive consumption’ what is excessive consumption to you, might be different to what the manufacturer thinks. I had probably 5 or 6 of those blessed gummy bears only, not even half a pack.  And if you do eat some after reading this, take heed of my advice.

Stay close to a toilet.

And

Never trust a fart.

 

 

Twenty one today, twenty one today! Obviously not in age but in weeks on Optifast. And to be honest it’s a few days into my 21st week but that’s splitting hairs.  21 weeks.   So I have been on Optifast now for 5 months with only 2 days off the program. 5 months without potato chips.5 months without ice cream. 5 months without fish and chips. 5 months without pizza. 5 months without a cream laden, calorie loaded cream cake. And I’m still going strong on Optifast.  And today’s the day I find out if I have lost enough weight to have reached a total loss of 40kg. Fingers crossed.

I was cleaning out my purse last Friday and in it I found a weigh in card from the weight loss group I was a member of. The date on the card was early March in 2015. My last recorded weigh in was 193kg. So even without having weighed myself yet today I am now ‘lighter’ (not that anything about my current weight is light mind you!!) than I was 4 years ago.  I was pretty chuffed about that.

I had my optometrist appointment Friday morning and I was able to wear a top that was too snug on me a couple of years ago.  My partner dropped me off out the front of the shopping centre and I was able to actually walk to the optometrists without having to stop and catch my breath every few metres. Okay, it wasn’t a big distance from the entrance to the shop, but this time last year I just couldn’t have made it without a couple of stops to sit down. Plus I would have been panting and puffing like a steam engine and with a racing pulse.  One thing that I did notice were all the delightful smells wafting from a myriad of fast food outlets and cafes. Coffee Club was right at the entrance and it would have been so nice to sit down and have a big cappuccino and muffin. I kept walking past though. The worst thing about the eye check up were the seats, hard, wooden ones. Even with all my extra padding they were so uncomfortable and the edges of the seat was cutting off the circulation in my legs, so I had to keep standing up and moving my legs around to get the feeling back so I didn’t fall down due to a ‘dead leg’.  Then there was the chair on wheels in the room where they do the tests for glaucoma and take a photo of the inside of your eyes. As soon as I perched on it the seat started rolling backwards, and I could feel myself sliding off.  Before I ended up on the floor I stood up and asked for a chair that wasn’t moving. No way did I want to end up flat on my backside in a public place.

I’ve noticed something else now too. I actually have feet that look like feet and not like 2 side of beef attached to the bottom of my legs. Okay I still have ‘cankles’, but my feet are not puffed up and swollen like they used to be. The straps on my shoes that went across my feet are no longer really tight.  Little things like this non scale victory help keep me focused.

This morning it was time to face the scales and hope that I had not gained or had a plateau with my weight. I only needed to have lost another 300 grams. Fingers crossed.

 

Yes!!!! Not only did I lose just 300 grams but I lost a total of 1.6 kilograms this week.  So today I could celebrate not just that, but losing over 40 kilograms in total over 21 weeks!  41.3kg to be exact. That’s two 20 kilogram bags of cement mix! If you were to take me to any hardware store and make me pick up just one bag of cement mix I’d be struggling, but 2 bags? No way. I just couldn’t even lift them. As for carrying that 40 kilos of cement mix around all day every day, impossible.  Yet I had been doing this for years now.  40 kilos of excess weight crippling my joints and especially my heart and lungs. I’m still morbidly obese but I’m slowly getting to a healthier weight range.  Definitely a day worth celebrating.

While it’s a major milestone for me, I’m not allowing myself a day off to eat something nice. I’m saving that for another time. I think if I can get down to 169.3 kg. I know it sounds like an odd number but when I get to there it will be 60 kilograms gone.  I am now confident that a day with a couple of small treats is doable, that I am strong enough to not pig out like I used to, and strong enough to get back on track the next day.  I’ll also celebrate losing 60 kilos in a non food way as well. Still thinking of a treat that I could indulge in other than my usual hair cut.

I have an app on my Samsung tablet that keeps track of my weight loss, gives it in graph form as well, and stuff like that.  Pictured above, it’s called Monitor Your Weight and is available for both Apple and android devices. Monitor Your Weigh weight loss tracker app.

I saw my dietician today and she was really pleased with my progress.  My next visit with her isn’t till the end of May (stretching out what’s left of my  5 free visits), but I’m always able to contact her via email if I have any issues, and certainly if I feel I need to I will go back to see her sooner.  I’m lucky that she’s very supportive of my being on Optifast and providing all is well I will be continuing intensive for another 12 weeks. Next week I have a appointment with my GP and will get bloods taken to ensure all is going well so that I can keep on with my 3 Optifast products per day program.  I just want to lose as much weight as I can on it, before introducing more ‘normal’ foods again.

So that’s it for another week.  As always, thank you for reading.

Well here I am into my 20th week of Optifast. Who would have thunk it? If you had told me that I’d still be sticking to a fairly strict diet program after 20 weeks with only 2 days of allowed extras (without going over the top) I would have thought you were crazy.  But I am, and still as determined as I was on Day 1 which is really saying something.

I had to laugh when I logged onto Facebook this morning. I saw 2 news stories all promoting one thing and this was it:

This time last year I would have been chomping at the bit to get me some free Krispy Kremes. Maybe plotting to go in to all the 7-Eleven stores in a 20 kilometre range to grab as many freebies as I could.  Perhaps even change my appearance by wearing a different outfit and maybe a wig so I could get more than one free doughnut at each store. I could ask my partner to go in as well. Or bribe someone to get one for me. Heck, I could end up with over a couple of dozen calorie laden, artery clogging, teeth decaying mouthfuls of deliciousness. Today though, I thought “Meh.” Yes, it would have been nice but for less than 5 minutes of enjoyment in my mouth it wasn’t worth it.  So here I sit, chewing on my sugar free gum and typing this. Anticipating my afternoon Optifast shake. A much healthier option than the old me anticipating scoffing down a few sweet biscuits before lunch.

I used to hide my eating from people. I think back to when I used to do the grocery shopping when I was lighter and able to walk around a supermarket without feeling the need to sit down at the end of each aisle. I loved the confectionary and snack foods aisles. Chocolate bars, potato chips would be tossed into the trolley. Not just one or two, I’m talking end of the world apocalyptic stockpiling amounts. Bakery section: lead me to it. Gotta grab me some baked goods, and I’m not talking wholegrain bread either. Then there was the ice cream section. Oh my.  Streets Blue Ribbon vanilla was my favourite.  If money was tight I’d forgo that box of laundry powder or cleaning products just so I had enough money to pay for my junk food. Once I was home I used to hide my stash of chocolate bars behind a few sorry looking salad veges at the bottom of the fridge.  The kids never ate salads so they’d never find my goodies hidden behind that lettuce or bag of tomatoes. My potato chips would be stashed in the bedroom in a drawer somewhere.  Not just a small bag, I’m talking those big party size bags, and yes, I mean them in the plural, not singular.

As soon as dinner was over and the dishes were done I’d be in my room watching my TV shows or DVDs while scoffing down my junk food like someone who hadn’t eaten a thing in a week. If someone came in the bag of chips or chocolate bar would be swiftly hidden out of sight, as though I was afraid that I’d have to share. Maybe I thought that eating stuff like that ‘secretly’ would mean it didn’t count, that it wouldn’t affect my weight.   As for the ice cream, well woe betide anyone who dared to consume it. That too was hidden in the freezer, behind all the frozen veges.  I was only fooling myself though. Of course my family knew about my evening picnics in the bedroom. Those chocolate bar wrappers and empty potato chip packets just didn’t appear out of nowhere. And of course all those calories only added more fat to my ever expanding body. Secret eating? I was fooling myself, and nobody else.  If I went to a party or there was a farewell afternoon tea or lunch at work (back in the days when I worked), I could hardly wait to get to the food table.  I was like one of these puppies, in this very cute video clip. Racing for the food bowl.   I’d ignore the salads and healthier options and go for the unhealthy stuff. Hey it was free!

 

Now there is no stash of junk food.  The only chocolate bars are in plain sight in the fridge, and those are my Optifast bars. No more potato chips either.  Now that I have my vegetable spiraliser I will make myself some chips using carrots or zucchini. Okay they may not taste the same but I will guarantee that they won’t make me put on a kilo overnight.

This morning I was anxiously waiting for the numbers to ‘drop’ as I stood on the scales. Like someone with a lotto ticket hopes that they have the magic numbers to win a fortune.  I was only just under 3 kilos off reaching a 40 kilo weight loss, would I make it?

Alas, I did not. However I wasn’t far off. I had lost 2.5 kilograms in the past week.  If I had lost another 300 grams then I could have celebrated my 40kg loss. Maybe if I removed my earrings? Shaved my legs? Had a Brazilian? (OMG, there’d be more than Brazil, there would be an entire continent down there!) Plucked my eyebrows? Clipped my toenails? Eaten a box of Laxettes the night before? Nope. I was happy to have had another good loss, and that was reason enough to be smiling as I got off the scales.  Next week. Yep, It will happen next week. If I do the right things this week I shall be celebrating with my next blog entry.  And besides that, a total loss so far of 39.7 kilograms is not to be sneezed at. And with my week bladder and my upped water consumption since starting Optifast, sneezing can be dangerous 

Tomorrow I’m off to get my eyes checked so I can get a new pair of glasses. I’m getting rather sick and tired of not being able to see my computer screen properly and having the page magnification set at 120%. My first trip to Westfield since 2015. That’s how long it’s been since I last went to a big shopping centre and actually ventured inside, instead of sitting in the car. I will only be there to get my eyes checked though, then heading home. No doubt the smells coming from the local food court will be tempting but I won’t be venturing down that way.

That’s about it for this week.  Thanks again for reading!

     

 

I have sat here for hours today, editing pictures and fiddling around on Facebook as my mind was just not in the right head-space for writing today. I don’t know why. It’s been a good week for me. I spent a lot of time reading over peoples posts on the support group on Facebook and so many people are having issues with trying to stick to the program and beating themselves up about it. I really feel for them because I have been like them so many times in the past.  One day off the diet and despite all the best intentions to get back on track the next day , well, that just doesn’t happen. I loved this persons response to one woman’s post about going off track at Christmas and not being able to get back into it again. Her reply was “I would look on this as a lesson you can learn and grow from. Like an alcoholic, one drink/bite is not enough and for some of us we never get back on the wagon, some times not for years. So if your like that its better not to break. But you’ve learned this early in your journey. Now you can forge ahead.”

A couple of images here that I think help when you’ve gone off track.

          

I guess I have been lucky in that even though I’ve had a couple of days where I’ve had my ‘treats’ I have been able to get right back on track the very next day. As I may have said before it’s because I feel accountable, not just to myself but to people who read my posts on the group page, who read my blog here, as well as my dietician and my doctor.  Plus I’m just bloody well fed up with being at home all the time while other people of my age are out enjoying life.  My weight has stopped me from doing so much and the time has come to change that.  People have given me help and bought me things to do with my diet (as in the case of my 2 cyber angels from last weeks blog entry) and I don’t want to let them down. I’m not game to try to work out how much money I’ve spent on Optifast products either. I think that would be scary.   Still, if the outcome is a healthier and happier me who no longer needs to wear modified circus tents as clothing then that is money well spent.  People often ask about diet shakes, and compare Optifast to some of the other ones out there. I did the research before starting. Nutritionally Optifast is better. It’s been developed by scientists and nutritionists and has been around for a few decades now. Years ago it was only available by prescription.  It’s probably about the most recommended meal replacement program out there, from both GP’s and surgeons, including bariatric surgeons. A few might recommend a competitors product because it’s cheaper but when it comes to taste that one is definitely inferior from all the reviews I’ve read. Even on the ‘other products’ own support groups a lot of the posts are from people having a hard time stomaching the shakes because of the taste or texture.  Or complaining because a favourite flavour of shake has been discontinued by the company.

As far as I’m concerned if you are going to spend your money on diet products then you are best to spend it on something that is of good nutritional quality and tastes good.  And no, I am not being paid or anything by Optifast for me to say that. It’s how I feel, and I have seen so many other people who have succeeded in getting rid of excess weight by following the Optifast program. The proof is in the photos and their stories.

Scale time again this morning, the usual apprehension before standing on them, but nothing to fear this week.  The numbers were in my favour, another 1.4 kilos booted off my body.  Only another 2.8 kilos to remove and I’ll be 40 kilos gone in total. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks I’ll be celebrating that 40 kilo weight loss.

I’m pretty happy about my weight loss over the past 3 months too. 23.3kg gone since January 1st.

In my last blog I mentioned an email I’d received that I was rather excited about and that I was expecting a follow up phone call.  Well unfortunately I can’t really say anything more about it at this point. I did get my phone call and was really pleased with the discussion that followed but that’s all I can say.  It was all positive stuff and I have the opportunity to do something I didn’t expect to be doing at my age.  And no, I’m not climbing Mt Everest.

As always, thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings.

                   

 

So has this weeks blog title got you curious? Or are you thinking that I’ve been on a diet too long and I’m starting to see things and should see a psychiatrist?  This has been an exciting and eventful week for me in a couple of ways. First off is something that I can’t say too much about just yet as I’m waiting on a phone call about me being on the Optifast program. I received an email about it on Friday last week and it made me really excited when I read it. (no it wasn’t a sexy X rated email either.)  I will know more and if I am able to say more about it sometime next Monday.

The other thing that happened this past week was a private message via Facebook from someone who has never met me, but knows of me from my posts on the Facebook group for Optifast users. I’ve mentioned before that being on Optifast involves a bit of juggling around with finances in order to keep me in shakes and chocolate bars as well as my healthy foods and that it’s my wonderful partner who is the King of Budgeting and often goes without so that I don’t miss out. I am on a pension and he only works 3 days per week and is self employed and money can be tight at times. (and I know we aren’t the only ones struggling out there.) It’s part of the reason we are real homebodies, never going out to dinner or the movies like so many other couples I know.  Not that I mind, I actually prefer being at home as I am still very conscious of my weight and my mobility is still a major issue, even after losing over 30kg so far. I’m grateful that we have a roof over our heads and enough money for food for us and the furbabies.  I’m not the only one on a special diet either. Our rescue Ragdoll cat has recently been diagnosed with a gut disorder and he needs to eat a special Science diet prescription food that costs a heap. Another extra expense, but we love him and he’s worth it.

Optifast products are great, but not exactly cheap so I always buy when they are on sale. When I read about making up shakes in a blender on the group page Paul did his magic act again and jiggled funds from the bill account to buy me one from K Mart that had been recommended.  Unfortunately my blender (with its 300 watt motor) died on me a month or so ago, and even though I was happy to put up with the old method of shaking the powder, water and ice by hand till my shoulder dislocated he insisted on getting me a replacement. (only joking about the dislocation, but it sure felt like that after a few minutes of intense shaking). Not another $15 replacement blender either, he found a better one with a 1000 watt motor, loud enough to rattle the windows!  Boy does it do a great job!

Anyways, as usual I digress. Now where was I? Ah yes, the budgeting that he does so that I can continue on Optifast, and also that after 17 weeks salads were beginning to get a bit boring and I was worried about the puffy tail and pointy ears I was growing, not to mention the bucked teeth from eating so many salad vegetables every single day since November last year.

In my previous blog entry I mentioned getting in supplies of herbs/spices etc in order to cook some intensive friendly recipes from the Opticook website and one of those vegetable spiralisers from K Mart to make fancy stuff like zucchini chips, carrot french fries, vegetable noodles etc.

Out of the blue I received an email from someone that I won’t name (as per their wishes) who offered to not only buy me the spiraliser but all the herbs etc that I would need to create a Optifast approved meal myself. She also organised a delivery of sugar free flavoured water drops (such as those pictured) to add a bit of oomph to the 2 plus litres of water I have each day and the coconut flavouring to add when cooking meals eg curries as well as some sachets of Stevia sweeteners for tea/coffee.  Two of the flavours pictured are what I received, substitute the tropical punch one for lemon/lime water drops though. The raspberry lemonade one is so nice and refreshing, much nicer than the Tetley water infusers that I had tried previously. I am definitely going to have to get more of these Water Drops as only a squeeze is needed to make 600mls of water really taste good.

Yet another angel sent me a free copy of the Opticook cook book.  One recipe I especially look forward to trying is the Beefy French Onion soup, pictured below.

    

 

Now I just want to share something that happened yesterday.  Earlier I mentioned an angel who offered to buy me some herbs/spices etc so I could whip up some amazing meals. She messaged me yesterday to say that a Woolworth’s home delivery would be coming that afternoon and that the driver would bring the items directly into the kitchen for me. When the truck arrived I was expecting just a bag to be dropped off. I was wrong! There were no bags, there were crates. FOUR CRATES filled with items. There wasn’t just a half dozen or so herbs and spices, there was practically a whole spice aisle there! Not to mention a range of sauces of different types, miso soup sachets, half a dozen containers of stock powder (beef, chicken and vegetable), konjac noodles, frozen cauliflower rice, chopped onions, zucchini spaghetti, the items filled up all the space on the kitchen bench. I just sat there with my jaw open as the delivery guy unpacked it all. Tears filled my eyes, I was just so completely overwhelmed by this persons generosity.  I’m incredibly touched by the kindness of  these 2 ‘cyber angels’, people I haven’t met, and I wanted to say a public THANK YOU to them on here.  You have no idea how many happy tears I have shed, and how humbled I feel to have been so blessed.

This has actually given me extra incentive and determination to stick with Optifast. If perfect strangers are helping me out like this then I owe it to them to continue to lose as much weight as I can. It’s not just about my improved health, it’s about honouring the generosity of people who cared enough about me to help me make the most of foods that I can eat so that I’m not tempted to fall back into old and unhealthy eating patterns.

My dieticians visit last week went well. She was amazed by my loss in the weeks between our last visit. She sets me ‘homework’ each time, for such time as I’m on Active 2 where I can include more ‘normal’ foods in my diet. Such as snacks I could have that are no more than 100 cals. One thing that surprised me was that a whole 250gram punnet of strawberries was well under 100 calories, amazing.  We go over my homework at each visit. It’s one way of learning more about food, what to look for nutritionally and what to avoid. In the past I didn’t make the effort when seeing a dietician, it was more a waltz in, mumble some excuses about why I’d stuffed up and then after 2 visits that would be it, I’d cancel and never see them again. This time I appreciate her knowledge and assistance in keeping me focused on my goal.

Weighing in on a Thursday  morning always fills me with some apprehension, even when I’ve been sticking to the program.  I don’t know why, I guess it’s anticipating a plateau or even, shock, horror, a gain. So once more I did my usual Thursday morning pre weigh in workout of sit ups (sitting up from a stretched out position in bed), leg lifts (lifting up my legs and swinging them over the side of the bed),  jumping (out of bed), running (to the toilet), doing my arm exercises (aka brushing my hair and lifting my nightgown off my body) and picking up a weight. (the scales.)  Standing on the scales I waited for the voice to give me the results and I then realised something! I could actually see the readout on the scales! No longer was my enormous gut blocking them from view. I could actually look down and not see a flabby belly (well, it was still there obviously, it hadn’t disappeared completely). I could look down and see the numbers on the screen. (although they were very blurred because I don’t wear my glasses when I weigh myself.)  Another Non Scale Victory! I was winning!! And winning I was. Because I had another decent loss this week.  2.3 kilos booted off my body! A total weight loss now of  35.8 kilograms. My BMI has gone from being well over 90 to 78. Still very high but much better than it was.  Happy days indeed!

 

One thing I realised as I lay in bed reading last night was that prior to starting Optifast, when I was sitting on 229 odd kilos I used to have this really annoying dry cough. It was happening day and night but was much worse at night. I’d literally be coughing up my lungs, or so it felt, even though nothing was there to bring up. Getting up to go to the toilet was enough to set off a coughing fit that would wake up my partner as well. (that’s after he finally got to sleep with a pillow over his ears to block off the noise of my coughing as he was trying to go to sleep at night. I was swigging cough syrup like an alcoholic swigs booze, with 2 bottles of cough medicine sitting on my bedside table. I consumed cough lollies by the pack every evening. Even laughing was enough to set off a coughing fit. It was the coughing that made me see my GP back in late October last year and when she mentioned that a dry cough often indicated heart failure that was enough to scare the crap out of me. It was that day that I decided I’d  have to pull  my finger out and do something about my weight and that Optifast was the way to go.  Now about that cough……….it’s gone. Completely gone. And has been for a few weeks now.  That’s another of those ‘Non Scale Victories’ as far as I’m concerned. My partner gives thanks as I was sending us broke trying to keep up supplies of cough syrup and cough lollies.

This week I give thanks for my weight loss, my non scale victories, for the love and support of my friends, family and others who read my posts/blog and for those 2 angels out there behind their computer screens (or mobile phone screens) who have blessed me this week with their kindness.

Thanks for reading.

                                   

Not a very long blog entry this week which some of you may welcome with a sigh of relief after some of my novel length posts. You may recollect that last week I was anticipating my first real cheat day since starting on Optifast on 12th November last year. (apart from Christmas day where I indulged in a few extras such as bread, potato and Christmas cake.)  Last week I was celebrating not just my birthday but the loss of 30 kilograms.  I had planned to enjoy a day off Optifast once I’d lost 30 kilos, the fact that it timed in nicely with my birthday was pure coincidence.  Thursday was the day!  Tea and toast for breakfast was a starter, followed by a couple of biscuits with my coffee at morning tea. The best was lunch though, a meatball sub from Subway. Oh my gosh it tasted so good!  I struggled to fit it in though. A couple of other ‘treats’ were included that day and again I enjoyed every bit. However I made sure that the next day I was back on track again, even though that day was actually my birthday. I figured that if I was going to have a cheat day then I would make it my weigh in day giving me 6 days to hopefully lose any weight I may have gained.

My eagerly anticipated hairdresser appointment was a fizzer! She sent me a message on Facebook just a few hours before she was due to arrive saying that her shoulder was giving her grief and she would have to cancel her visit.  So there I was frantically posting on Facebook asking if there were any mobile  hairdressers who could come and cut my hair for me before our visitors arrival on Saturday afternoon. I finally managed to find one who could come at 8am Saturday morning. Phew, what a relief.  I was beginning to look like Cousin It from the Adams Family.

I couldn’t help but get on the scales on the Friday morning after my Subway day, and to my relief I had not gained any weight, phew! Saturday morning saw my hair finally getting a much needed cut.  The hairdresser did a good job with my hair and I felt a kilo lighter after it came off.and after that it was time to start preparing lunch etc for our visitors. I cut so many sandwiches and boy oh boy, the desire was there to gobble a couple down then and there. However I was determined to not stray off the path again after already enjoying my cheat day 2 days prior. It was bloody hard though. Those sandwiches looked so good and the bread so fresh.  There were some slices of chocolate mud cake that my partner had bought for our guests, and those were just sitting in the fridge tormenting me. It truly was so very hard to resist. But resist I did.  Cathy and John arrived just after lunch and I was so happy to see Cathy after 11 years that I burst into tears. I had been worried about being overwhelmed with embarrassment over my weight and size but I really didn’t have any issues with that once she and her husband were here.  Seeing as they own this house and hadn’t seen it yet they were given the tour with Golden Retriever Ollie at their heels, very friendly and excited to meet new people.

They enjoyed the sandwiches and chocolate iced mud cake at lunch while I sipped my mocha Optifast shake. I don’t know who drooled more at the sight of that delicious looking food, me or Ollie.  I debated whether I should join Ollie on the floor in a begging position, gazing imploringly at our guests and alternating that ‘please feed me, I’m sooo hungry’ gaze between them and the plates of food they had in front of them.  Common sense prevailed though. Certainly I would get down alright, but getting up again could prove very difficult.  So I just sighed and continued with my shake and caught up on 11 years worth of news. It was a great visit, laughs shared and I forgot about being embarrassed due to my size.

Maybe it’s because of me having my ‘cheat day’ last week but I have found myself really wanting biscuits, bread and those foods that I can’t have over the past 6 days or so. To be honest salads are starting to bore me silly, and even with the extra protein I’m allowed as part of the intensive program I am finding myself hungry. I understand that it’s normal to feel like that after indulging in non Optifast friendly foods, part of getting back into ketosis along with mild headaches etc.  Cherry tomatoes, cucumbers and jelly just doesn’t have that appeal that they used to. The only thing I really enjoy is the Optifast chocolate bar in the evenings, and my coffee and mocha shakes.  I’m craving what I can’t have and it’s driving me crazy. I know I could cook some delicious veges using the Opticook website recipes but I’m still having some issues with my mobility despite my weight loss and apart from salt and pepper I don’t have any spices or allowed sauces (other than my thousand island dressing from Walden Farms) that are used with the Opitcook recipes. Or a kitchen utensil that finely slices up stuff like zucchini for the making of ‘zucchini chips’.  I guess I could always use some Olive Oil spray or my teaspoon of daily oil allowance  on what veges I do have and chuck them in the oven. Will have to definitely look at that website in more detail. For those who want to have a look at it here’s the link:  Opticook- Intensive friendly recipes for weight loss

However, despite feeling hungry at times I have remained strong and not succumbed to temptation and for me that’s a big thing. The old me would have gobbled up some biscuits or bread while home alone thinking that if nobody saw me eating them then it wouldn’t really count. As if! Now I know that it would count and would impact on the scales and I would have nobody but myself to blame. So with many sighs of regret I have pushed aside those cravings and resolutely sipped my shakes and thought of the scales and upcoming appointment with my dietician.

Weigh day has rolled around again. Here we go, the moment of truth. How much damage had I done last week? Would I gain weight even though when I weighed myself the next day the scales were the same? Maybe those calories didn’t show up till a few days later? Would I stay the same weight? Or would I be lucky and still have a loss? Time to face the music as they say.

It was a loss! Not a great amount, 0.9 kilograms, but hey, a loss is a loss after all. I would have liked to have made it to 1kg, but it’s only 100grams short, and the scales are still going down which is the main thing.

33 and a half kilos lost in total is certainly a lot of weight to get rid of, and worth the cravings and occasional hunger pangs.My dietician is really pleased with how I am going.  So my next mini goal is to get to 175 kilograms. No more cheat meals or treats until such time as I get there.  So onward and downward I go!  Thanks for reading.

Now this is MY kind of treadmill.

 

Well here I am. One day off my 61st birthday and 16 weeks on Optifast. Will I be celebrating my birthday with birthday cake? That’s a NO. It’s not all doom and gloom though because today is the day I finally get to indulge in my 30kg loss and under 200kg reward Subway meatball sub with salad.  And enjoy a cup of tea with real milk and a little bit of sugar.  Even some toast for breakfast. Hey, yes, this is  me living dangerously! Walking on the wild side as they say. It’s been just over 11 weeks since I last had bread and I am determined to enjoy every mouthful that I consume today. Yes, I know there are other ways to celebrate, such as a facial, getting my nails done, buy some jewellery etc, but I have been craving a meatball sub for what seems like forever and I figure that as long as I know it’s a one off and that I’ll be back on Optifast the very next day, then it’s not going to cause too much damage. The truth will be revealed at my next weigh in, so I will have almost a week of intensive ahead of me to undo any damage caused by my ‘gluttony’.  I’m getting my hair cut tomorrow which I’m looking forward to as it’s just gone to pot with no style, a fringe that’s driving me crazy and one part in particular that just sticks up no matter what.   My home  hairdresser is coming again and this time I will be making sure that I stand up and move my legs around every few minutes while she’s cutting away (well not actually while she’s cutting as that would be somewhat awkward for her).  I don’t want a repeat of my last incident that occured post hair cut when as soon as I stood up after sitting on a chair with my legs down for 45 minutes I came down like Goliath did after being felled by David.  Read about that horrible incident here:  And down I go. Crash to the garage floor!

My sweet man bought me a weed whacker (aka whipper snipper) for my legs and arm pits for my birthday. Alright, maybe not a weed whacker, of course I mean a ladies shaver. My legs however probably could have done with a whipper snipper. I was almost at the stage of plaiting the hairs on them to make them look better, but shaving them off is a far better idea. And for joy, I can actually reach all the way down my legs to shave them now, time for celebrations indeed!

So with my new hair cut and weed whackered legs I’ll be all set for Saturday. What’s happening on Saturday you ask? Well it’s nothing huge like leaving for an overseas trip or buying a new car or getting married, but it’s a big deal to me.  A friend of mine and her husband are going to be in Brisbane for the weekend and are coming over for a visit. Cathy and I have known each other since primary school and we even did our nursing training together from 1976 to 1979. We had some great times living in the nurses home with other great people from our training group. Going to the disco at the Blacktown RSL club on a Friday night and gyrating around to Nutbush City Limits and the Bus Stop. I remember how we used to practice our dance moves in the hallway of the nurses home, perfecting our technique. Music cranked up much to the dismay of night shift workers. We made our debut together (along with other nurses from our set), studied together, celebrated birthdays, ate at the local Black Stump restaurant just up from the hospital.  And after doing a night duty shift we’d even head off to the beach for a day of sun and surf, fronting up for our shift that night sunburnt, smelling of coconut oil and extremely tired from lack of sleep. Ah yes, the good old days.  A couple of photos here taken on my old Kodak 110 camera. I’ve blurred out the faces of my friends, but you get the idea.

 

Ah yes, those were the days.

Cathy, apart from being an old and dear friend of mine, is also our landlord together with her husband John.  We had suffered every summer for years in our previous rental, no air conditioning apart from a small portable unit which really only worked well in the bedroom. A hot summers day would see not just me sprawled on the bed with ceiling fan on and portable air con blowing, there would be my partner, the 2 Golden Retrievers and the cat as well. We weren’t supposed to have the Golden’s in the house itself, they were supposed to be relegated only to the back yard, but when it’s 38 degrees outside and no shade there was no way I’d keep them outdoors. The rest of the house was like an oven, unbearable.  Cathy and John came to our rescue, probably taking pity on me as I used to often vent on Facebook about how hot it was inside the house. They  were wanting to buy an investment property here in Brisbane and so offered to buy a house and rent it to us. High on their ‘want’ list was that the house have air conditioning, if not ducted then at least in the living area, and we were also advised that our dogs and cat would be welcome to be inside the house with us no matter what the weather. (Being dog lovers themselves.)  So we did the legwork, finding a suitable house and Cathy and John purchased it, sight unseen and here we are. Not only did they get reverse cycle air conditioning installed in all the bedrooms after we moved in, but they put solar panels on the roof.  They honestly are our guardian angels!  We owe them so much.  Knowing that our furbabies are welcome inside the house means a great deal to us. This weekend saw them coming to Brisbane for a friends birthday party and so will be visiting us as well, not only to see the house, but this will be the first time I have seen Cathy since around June 2008.  I can’t wait to see her, but feel so ashamed of how big I’ve become. She’s a regular reader of my blog though, so she’s seen my photos and read about my life so has a fair idea of what to expect. When I voiced my shame about  her seeing me like this she was quick to reassure me that it was the least of her worries, that she was coming to visit me, the person inside the body and not judge me for my weight. Bless her. I’ve not yet met John, but he’s a wonderful man from what I know of him, and he and Cathy are very happy together.

I guess seeing that they are our landlords we better ditch the hydroponic marijuana plants and meth lab in the spare room.

So much to look forward to over the next 3 days so it was with anticipation (of my breakfast of tea and toast and my Subway lunch, not to mention the other upcoming happenings) that I picked up the scales and stepped upon them. Knowing that another 4.1kg loss would be highly unlikely and trying to pysch myself up for a much smaller loss considering I’d done so well the past 3 weeks.

And another loss! A respectable 1.8kg no less. Mighty pleased with that as those numbers are still on the way down which is the main thing. A total of 32.6 kilos gone is pretty darn good. Since I last saw my dietician on February 7th I’ve lost 11kg and I’ve still another week before I see her again as she’s away this week. I think she’ll be pleased with my progress so far.

So there ends another week. I’ll be a year older when I next post on here, and hopefully the scales won’t be too unforgiving after my Subway lunch etc today.  As always, thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a comment.