What a week it’s been.  I have finally ditched my wheely walker when walking around the house, and am using my walking stick to help me on the tiled floors.  My legs are starting to get stronger after all the pedaling away on my mini cycle gizmo. For me that is a major milestone. Okay, I’m not the fastest on my pins, but I can at least make it to the toilet in time and that’s the most important thing. I still feel in danger of slipping sometimes, and hopefully a new pair of shoes will fix that when funds permit. (part of my reward for when I get to 60 kilos lost).

And after wearing knickers made from recycled circus tents (because that’s how big they had to be to fit over my mammoth legs, butt and stomach) I can now fit into decent undies that I have had in my drawer for years now and couldn’t squeeze into before.  I never thought I’d be excited about slipping on a pair of Bonds briefs, but I was. Plus they give my wobbly stomach more support than before mentioned circus tent size undies. One of the horrible parts about being so obese is that dreaded ‘apron’ of flab and skin that hangs down. Decent underwear helps lift and hold that flab somewhat. Too much info? Sorry, but that’s how it is.

But the best part of my week was getting a message last Friday morning from my soldier son who  is currently on board HMAS Adelaide and heading to the Rockhampton area to take part in a big defence force exercise called Talisman Sabre. In his message he said that the ship was due to dock in Brisbane on Saturday morning and he had a few days leave so would be able to come home for a visit. Even though it’s only been a little over 2 months since he was last here, it was still exciting to have him come home, and this time I was able to drive to where the ship was docked to collect him and drive him back again on Tuesday afternoon. 8 months ago I would have had to ask my partner to take the day, or at least half a day off work to drive him there as I was unable to fit behind the steering wheel of our car at that stage, let alone drive it. Not now though. My partner didn’t have to miss out on pay and take time off, because now I can just grab the keys and jump in the car and go wherever I need to. It was great having him home for the 3 and a half days he was here, even if he did spend most of his time in his room catching up on Netflix and only coming out for food and bathroom breaks, and to pat the dog and cats.  Oh, and occasionally even chat to us, lol.  Thank goodness we have a second fridge in the garage because apparently he had a couple of boxes of one of my favourite ice creams in the freezer there which would have been very painful to see every time I opened the freezer to get ice for my shakes. He was thoughtful though and  he didn’t flaunt them in front of me when he ate them……….for which I was grateful. He’d eat his goodies in his room, away from my sight.

July 12th marks 8 months that I’ve been on Optifast.  I often think how amazed I am that I have stuck to the program for so long. Gone without bread, potatoes, fast food and snacks which were junk food. Well, yes I had 2 days off where I did have bread and some other things, but apart from those days I have remained strong. I see my GP in a couple of weeks and I’m hoping that I can tell her that I’m now 60kgs lighter than when I presented myself to her office in late October last year, out of breath, with a dry cough that wouldn’t go away, oedema in my feet and lower legs and having to sleep propped upright on 3 pillows as well as a boomerang pillow because to lie flat would have made me feel as though I was suffocating. It was her tentative diagnosis of heart failure that made me crap my pants with fear. (not literally, but you know what I mean.)  The dry cough, oedema in my feet and lower legs, shortness of breath were all symptoms of heart failure and as an ex RN I was really scared by what might lie ahead of me.  Thankfully tests revealed that was not the problem, but it was enough of a scare for me to get me serious about losing weight.  And so here I am.  No more oedema, no more constant dry coughing, no more puffing and panting after a shower or walk from one end of the house to the other, and no more having to sleep propped up on 4 pillows. Being able to lie on my side on 2 pillows like I always used to is just wonderful.  Optifast is definitely giving my life back to me. Yes I still have a long way to go, but I am on the right track.

So today I was all psyched up in anticipation of reaching my milestone of 60kg of weight gone from my body. The past few days my mouth has been watering and my taste buds dancing with anticipation at the thought of having a large cappuccino and a muffin from Muffin Break, and a couple of other longed for goodies that I have really missed. March 8th was the last time I had gone off the program for a day.  I  had my outfit freshly washed and ready to wear to our trip to the local Westfield.  I even had plans to walk around K Mart after our coffee as it’s been about 4 years since I last ventured into one. Fervent prayers were made as I pulled the scales out and stepped on them. All I needed to lose was 1.3 kilograms to reach that magic 60 kg number………would the odds be in my favour?

Alas. The odds were against me.  Yes, I had lost weight but not 1.3kg. Instead I’d lost 1.1 kilos. Only 200 grams short of my magic number!!! I could have spit! I probably should have, maybe I would have lost 200 grams by doing that.  I considered a soap and water enema to clean me out, surely that would do the trick? Perhaps I should have eaten a pack of DD brand sugar free gummy bears. I know from previous, and painful, experience that they work very well at cleansing out ones ‘exhaust system’! Maybe shave my eyebrows? Grab the electric clippers and give myself a buzzcut Army style? Get a Brazilian wax? Only in my case it would have to be the entire South America wax, a Brazilian would have scarcely scratched the surface.  I thought about it for a couple of minutes.  I went back to the bathroom and squeezed a few drops of urine from my bladder. I had only gone just before weighing in, but maybe I’d not sat there for long enough, better make sure the bladder was completely empty I thought. Then I cursed the scales and rather than put them away I placed them back on ‘ground zero’. (the same spot I always place my scales every week.)  I moved them a half centimeter to the left, then half a centimeter higher till it was in the perfect position.  I exhaled as deeply as I could before stepping on the scales again, hoping that removing air from my lungs would make a difference. …………………………………………………………………………………………….

Zip, zilch, nope, no, nada, nix, naught, sweet FA, not one iota of difference!!

Oh well, guess I’d have to live with those results. I have to admit that I cried with disappointment and frustration. Before going to sleep last night I was excited at the thought of enjoying my planned treats. And to wake up and find out that I would have to wait maybe another week………………well I was not a happy camper. Hubby could tell that I was upset and said, “Well why don’t you have today off anyway, like you planned? After all you are only 200 grams short of that number. We’ll go to Muffin Break this morning.”  However, tempting as it was, I couldn’t do it. As I said to him, “No, I said to myself that when I lost 60kg I would celebrate and I haven’t done it yet, so I’m not going to break that promise to myself. Plus I wouldn’t feel comfortable admitting that I’d had treats today when I hadn’t ‘earned’ them yet.  No thank you, I’ll hope for next week.”  I think he understood.  And really, I should be happy. That’s just over 2  x 500 gram tubs of butter that I’d lost. The scales were still going down. My health is improving, and that’s what really counts.

Fingers crossed for next week.

 

 

Going to start off with my weigh in results today, for no special reason. Unfortunately I didn’t make my 60kg loss this week, came close, but not quite. Maybe I should have consumed a box of Laxettes last night, and eaten a pack of DD Gummy bears. Heck, I even shaved my legs and flossed my teeth, but that didn’t work either.  Still, the numbers did go down again with a loss of 1.3kg this week. I would have liked more considering I am pedaling madly twice a day on my mini cycle gizmo for 20 to 25 minutes at a time, but I’m not going to complain. Those numbers on the scales are definitely going down, and that’s the most important thing.

I’m still committed to sticking this weight loss program through till I get to a healthier weight, even after all this time. I was looking back at my weight loss history on the app that I use which is Monitor Your Weight.  Looking at my weight loss over the past 33 weeks has really boosted my motivation, and helped my attitude become more positive. Seeing the difference in my weight each week, and my BMI dropping from the early 90’s to the now late 70’s has made all this worthwhile.  I have the app on my Samsung tablet and it updates automatically once I enter in my weight each week.  I highly recommend it if you are wanting to keep tabs on your weight loss. Monitor Your Weight app

I don’t know how many of you are familiar with Annette Sym. She lost weight years ago by developing some healthy menus, and has had a lot of success with her cookbooks Symply Too Good to be True. While I admit her recipes are not suitable for me yet, certainly when I have lost my weight they will be excellent resources to use for healthy eating. She has a website, and it has not just recipes but tips and advice for managing weight loss. I thought that this week I would include some of her advice here.  This is the link to her website for those interested. Symply Too Good To Be True

I thought her advice for having, and keeping, a healthy attitude towards weight loss was worth including on here this week. Credit to Annette Sym for the following:

“A positive attitude can change your life. Instead of saying negative things about your weight, put a positive spin on it and own the fabulous you that is becoming a healthy person.

Nothing positive ever came out of having a negative mindset. Perhaps you’ve been quite negative in the past, focusing on what you are missing out on when losing weight rather than focusing on what you will gain.

A negative attitude might just be what has stopped you from succeeding in the past, so here are my five tips to create a healthy attitude:

1. Look for the benefits – It’s impossible to lose weight when you focus on how unhappy you are with your weight or how hard it is to lose. Having a positive attitude will help you transform and achieve your weight loss goals.
2. Acknowledge your negative thoughts and feelings – If need be write them down. Then beside each negative, write a positive statement.  For example, “I’m missing out on cheesecake” then beside it write something like “I’d rather fit into those size 12 jeans.”
3. Be your own cheer squad – Support yourself to see this journey to the end. Celebrate your wins no matter how small. I often hear people say things like “I only lost half a kilo this week” – hey a loss is a loss, celebrate it!
4. Visualise being a healthy person – See yourself eating healthy food, planning meals ahead and shopping wisely. Imagine you’re a slim healthy person who loves life.
5. Picture yourself at goal weight – Imagine what it will feel like to be carrying less weight on your body. See, feel, believe!

Don’t wait to be in the right frame of mind to start your new healthy lifestyle – choose to change your mindset!

Everything starts as a thought, decide right now to think about the journey ahead as a pleasant rewarding adventure. Sure, there will be bad days, we all have those, but with the right mental attitude it will be so much easier to get back on track.

And if you do fall off the wagon, don’t stay there! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and say “this is not how the story ends.”

One of my favourite quotes is … “If it is to be, it is up to me.”

The above was taken from this webpage: Getting a healthy attitude.

That’s about it for this week. Thanks again for reading.

 

 

 

Well the lows of last week are over. Thank goodness. I reminded myself of why I am doing this and focused on my goals of becoming healthier and lighter. I am hopeful of being able to ditch my wheely walker soon. I can walk well with it, a lot faster than when I use my stick but I need to regain confidence in walking without aids. On a tile floor, or any smooth surface I am almost paranoid about slipping and falling. This is what being so overweight has done to me.   A basic thing we all take for granted, walking around the house, is something I have to be careful in doing. Especially when we have a Golden Retriever called Ollie who, when he drinks water, ends up with more water spilled out of his choppers and on the tiles, than what ends up in his stomach. I’ve had a couple of ‘Torville and Dean’ moments where I’ve skated along the slippery floor where he’s spilled water. (If  you aren’t old enough to know who Torville and Dean are, they were famous figure skaters from England who happened to score all 10’s during a winter Olympics a couple of decades ago or more. Gosh, that makes me feel old.)

In case you were wondering what I meant by ‘pedal power’ in my heading this week, it’s to do with my little mini bicycle exercise machine. I’ve been doing 20 minutes on it, twice a day all this week to build up the strength in my legs and also to burn some calories to help with my weight loss. I’m not ready for the Tour ‘de France just yet, but it is one form of exercise that I can manage without overdoing things, and I can enjoy watching Netflix while pedaling away frantically.

I was reading a couple of my earlier blog entries this week and felt like crying when I saw stuff that I had written. Like this:

All of my life I have battled a weight problem and despite having had gastric stapling many years ago, which obviously has failed, I have not kept off the weight I first lost.

In fact I have gained it all back and then some. A lot more. Big time. Every day is a struggle for me. From getting in and out of bed, showering myself, dressing myself, mobilising around the house. I puff and I pant.

I’m housebound basically. Haven’t been able to drive a car for a couple of years now, don’t fit behind the steering wheel. If I push the seat back then I fit but I then have the problem of my feet not being able to reach the accelerator and brake pedals. 

Bedtime. A time to relax. A nice comfy bed to chill out on in the evenings while watching trashy TV shows. I broke our last bed. Yep. The side just collapsed one day when I was sitting in it. I was mortified. That wasn’t the worst. The springs on the mattress on my side were also breaking apart. My partner bought us a new bed and base, this one from heavy timber with more support. Even then though he had to add extra strong brackets to the top end where I sit/sleep. But that’s not all. Bricks. Yep, 2 lots of bricks propped underneath the frame at the top and at the side towards the top, just to help those brackets along. But wait there’s more…………and no it’s not free steak knives. A square of perspex that goes under the mattress and on top of the slats, just for extra support again. Our bed is fortified to be more secure than the main safe at the treasury in Canberra. Even then it creaks and groans when I climb in.

Showering is akin to running a marathon for me, I get exhausted. Especially if I’ve had to wash my hair, the effort of having my arms up to wash my hair makes me out of breath. I puff and pant when I finish my shower, needing to lean over the vanity basin to catch my breath again. While I dry off I am sitting down. There’s noway I can possibly stand up to dry myself. I just can’t do it. I even had a metal framed chair actually break underneath meone day, the part where it was welded together actually gave way. Just as well I felt it happening and was able to stand up before landing flat on the floor, naked as a jaybird…….well, as naked as a baby elephant is a more apt description.

Life sucks.

A visit to my local doctor for a issue I had gave me a big wake up call. She thought I may have had cardiac failure and sent me off for a couple of tests. Thankfully they were okay. But the warning was there. I needed to lose weight. After being weighed I burst into tears from the shock.  229.3 kilograms! I was disgusted in myself for having allowed my weight to get out of control like that. How could anyone love me when I couldn’t even love myself? I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I really did.

When I look back at those words I am so grateful for that wake up call.  Even if late in my life, it was exactly the motivation I needed not just to start Optifast, but to stick to the diet. And here I am today, almost 60 kilos lighter. Not far off my next target and ‘day off’ the program. Yep, good news for me today when I weighed in after the 2 previous weeks of losing ‘only’ 100 grams. I don’t really mean ‘only’, because that two lots of 100 grams was still a loss but you know what I mean. So today when I stood on the scales I was excited to see my results. A loss of 3.4 kilograms, bringing my total loss now to 57.4 kilograms.  Keeping a closer eye on my protein intake, and my exercising had helped. Yes!!  My monthly total was pretty good too. 

     

To help me satisfy my sweet tooth I made my own version of ‘gummy bears’. And unlike the DD lollies that turned my intestines into a lava filled volcano these ones don’t have the same effect on my guts. A clever woman called Jodi has a great site called Opticook and she loves to experiment with different foods to create healthy and yummy dishes, and this recipe is one of hers.

 Non-tummy rumbling gummi lollies to the rescue !

That’s about it for this week. Time to hop back on my ‘bike’ again for another 20 minutes of pedaling. My fingers are crossed that within the next couple of weeks I’ll be at my 60kg lost milestone. I can’t wait to celebrate it with a cappuccino and a muffin.

I have had a bit of a down week. Not because I have fallen off the wagon, it’s just my mood is low for some reason. My partner has been in a lot of pain with his back and legs due to a long term herniated disc, and he is struggling to get through a days work. By the time he gets home he’s in a world of pain. It hurts me to see him hurting but rather than take a day off he pushes on because he’s self employed so doesn’t get sick leave and with a couple of big bills looming as well as rent etc taking days off isn’t an option.

I have also been struggling in my head as far as dieting goes. I am having cravings that just aren’t going away and it’s so incredibly difficult for me to remain focused. I keep reminding myself of how well I have done so far, and how important losing this weight is to me, but the cravings are still there, tormenting me, begging me to give in. I haven’t weakened though. I have my planned ‘day off’ set for when I’ve lost 60 kilograms, and I’m determined to stick it out till then. It doesn’t make it any easier though.

On social media I have not let on to anyone about my internal struggles. I still make jokes, laugh at funny posts and memes and nobody would know that I’m in a slump as far as my mood goes. I’ve tried to distract myself with exercise. While I am still not really mobile and walking well without some kind of assistance in the form of a walking stick or my walker I am at the point where I need to get my legs moving a bit more than just walking around the house and up and down the hallway at a fairly slow pace. So I’m using my mini bicycle gizmo, pictured below,

to pedal away for about 20 minutes at a fairly fast speed (for me!) twice a day in order to build up some muscle in my legs so that I don’t need to use assistance when walking, and maybe even to kick start my metabolism a bit.  I hope so because when I stepped on the scales this week I was disappointed.

I had still lost weight, don’t get me wrong, but it was another week with a loss of 100 grams. That’s 200 grams lost in 2 weeks, a far cry from my usual 1 to 2 plus kilos a week that I’ve been having lately.  I’m not going to lie here, I actually sobbed when I stepped off the scales. 

To still be as heavy as I am and only lose another 100 grams was a real let down. And for a few minutes all I could think of doing was going into the kitchen, cooking up about 3 slices of toast with butter and jam and having a big mug of tea with normal milk and sugar added. And then later on for morning tea having a cup of coffee with some biscuits.  And a toasted sandwich for lunch. I pushed those thoughts, and mental images of that food to the back of my mind though.  I know it’s a loss and I’m 54 kilograms lighter than what I was back in November but as much as I keep reminding myself of that, there’s a little voice inside of my head telling me to indulge in my cravings. It’s like temptation is sitting on my shoulders and whispering in my ear, “Go on Lily, you know what will cheer you up right now don’t you? It always used to make you feel good before. Have a cry over some hot toast and a cup of tea. What are you waiting for? You don’t have to tell anyone, it will be our little secret!”

My reply to that voice of temptation is simple and to the point. “Piss off temptation!” (Excuse the language.)  Upon reflecting back over my eating habits over the past 2 weeks I am thinking that I am probably consuming too much protein in the form of lean meat etc. I’ve been slowly increasing the portion size, and not weighing it as I should.  Even BBQ chicken breast has calories that add up when you eat too much of it.  And as much as I pile on the veges on my plate they just don’t satisfy me as much as my extra protein does. So obviously I need to take a step back and start weighing my portions again.

Hopefully next week will be better.

When your cardiologist smiles broadly and shakes your hand not once but twice, and adds his congratulations then you know you have done good. That’s what happened during my check up last Monday. He looked at my chart and my weight back in November when I last saw him, asked my current weight and his eyebrows went up as he realised how much weight I had lost. He then asked about my issues that I had previously, the night time coughing, being unable to lay down in bed due to shortness of breath, the racing heart and breathlessness while showering and getting in and out of bed. “All gone.” was my reply.

“Excellent results, keep up the good work. If you can lose another 50kg that would be great.” My response was in fact I had been hoping to get down to 80kg which is still 90 odd kilos away and he thought that was even better. I know that with my height my ideal weight is probably around 60kg but to be honest at my  age I will be happy at 80kg, even though many women go on diets because they weigh that much and aren’t happy with that weight.  Honestly, when you have been close to 230 kilograms I am telling you that to be 80 kilos would be a dream come true.  And the cardiologist agreed that was a most reasonable expectation.  The results of my Holter monitor study were back and were normal as well, more good news. And even better, he no longer needs to see me unless there is a medical reason, and so I can simply continue with check ups from my G.P.

I now have a baggy bum too!! And I’m so happy about it. By that I mean my pants that I’ve not worn since last winter are now nice and loose in that area and around my thighs. I can still wear them because they aren’t at the point of falling down yet, but every now and again I do need to hitch them back up. That is such a good feeling!  So I’m celebrating the baggy bum!  This morning I tried on the dress I wore to my daughters wedding back in March 2016. Even though it was from a store specialising in clothing for us, ahem, larger ladies, it was still tight when I wore it on that day. The arms especially, practically no room at all in the upper arm section, and there was a chiffon overlay which formed the sleeves and was meant to come across the front of the dress, not quite meeting in the middle. Well, back in March 2016 that overlay, which formed the sleeves, was skin tight almost, and most definitely did not come close to nearly meeting at the front. This photo shows the difference in that dress today, plus all the extra room I have in it now.

This weeks post is definitely not going to be a long one. (Now where have I read that before I wonder?)  With winter comes cooler weather (finally! I am not a lover of the heat and humidity of Queensland summers) and of course comfort foods and drinks weigh on my mind, if you’ll excuse the pun. Usually I can look at photos of certain foods or drinks and not worry about them but this week just seeing images on TV or on Facebook really got to me and made me crave things. Hot, buttered toast, a juicy hamburger, a frothy latte coffee or cappuccino. Just seeing pictures of calorie laden foods in the weekly Woolworths catalogue really got to me and made my mouth water.  Tuesday was a really cold day here and I woke up thinking that I really wanted a cup of coffee with ‘real’ milk and a couple of sugars, not one made using artificial sweeteners and that watery skim milk added.  Did I weaken? No. I kept thinking ahead to today, weigh in day, and while maybe that cup of coffee wouldn’t have made much difference, or a couple of pieces of toast, I don’t think I would have stopped there. I would have wanted a couple of biscuits with that coffee, and butter and jam on the toast.  After that another coffee which would mean more biscuits.  I told myself ‘No, you don’t need that, you only ‘want’ it!  I just kept thinking to myself “When I’ve lost 60kgs I am going to have those things, just for one day.” And so I stuck with the shakes, my water, and my allowed vegetables and extra protein.

I came to realise that I’m addicted. Not to cigarettes, alcohol, drugs or even food for that matter. I’m addicted to seeing my weight coming down each weigh in. Even if it’s only 100 grams. That ‘high’ I get when I see that I’ve lost weight from the week before is a better high than any I could get with drugs.   And the high I have when I look at how much weight I’ve lost since starting makes up for missing out on non approved foods or drinks.  I’m also high on being able to shower without getting short of breath. My partner says he can see a huge difference in that before I started this program, after I’d showered, dried off, dressed and walked down the hallway into the kitchen that I’d be puffing and panting and need to sit down for 5 minutes before doing anything so I could catch my breath.  Even just talking was an effort.  To make him a cup of tea I’d have to be sitting down. Now I walk into the kitchen after showering etc and don’t have to sit down. I can keep standing and do things like wash a few dishes, feed the cats, let the dog out etc. I do still have a chair in there that I sit on when I prepare meals, or when cooking something on the stove, but the improvement in my health in that way has made a big difference. I know it doesn’t sound like much to everyone else, but to me that was my normal.  The struggle to breathe and the pounding of my heart with the slightest physical exertion was something I endured for years.

Today is my son’s 29th birthday, and again I’m reminded of who I am doing this for. In the bottom photo he’s the one who doesn’t have his face blurred.

And my daughter. I see this picture of her with her brother playing dress ups and it tugs at the heartstrings. Precious memories. Precious souls.

Yes, I am doing it first and foremost for me, for my own health, but I have people that I love and who love me and want me around for longer.  (Though sometimes I do wonder why? lol) Let’s face it, at 61 I am a senior, but I have quite a few good years left in me, to spend with those I love. I look back at photos of my children when they were young and realise how important they are to me. I look at my sweet man’s smiling face and know that I am important to him and that without me he’d be very lonely. 

Those are the things that matter, our families. They are more important than scoffing biscuits, cakes and junk food on a regular basis like I used to. And more important than cheating on my diet on a regular basis just because I feel ‘left out’.  Imagine how left out I would be if I wasn’t around because I’d dropped dead from a heart attack or stroke.  

Enough of my ramblings. Time to weigh in again and it was another really good week for me. A loss of 3.3 kilograms since last week.  Bringing my total weight loss now to 53.8 kilograms. My cardiologist wanted me to have lost 30 kilos when I see him next Monday. I reckon he’s got to be thrilled with what I’ve managed to achieve since seeing him last.

Someone posted this recently on our support group and it really struck a chord within me. So often we are caught up on losing large numbers of weight each week, or at least anything over 1 kilogram, and I have been so guilty of this myself.  Yet we need to rejoice in those smaller losses as well, even the humble 100 grams. Because that humble 100 grams can add up. Just as the below image says. So if you are despondent because your weight loss was not what you had hoped, for read this and let the message sink in. Don’t let it get to you and make you think ‘to heck with this, I give up!’

Thank you so much for reading again. So much for my ‘not long’ post eh?

This is me, doing a happy dance today. Going to get straight into my weigh in results because I’m so excited!

I was hoping for at least a loss of 1.6kg this week, but to discover I’d lost 2.1kg was much more than I’d hoped for. Because I have now lost 50.5 kilograms!

That’s the weight of a small adult female, that’s 2 and a half bags of cement mix (and a bit)!

I can’t fathom myself carting all the above around on my body day in, day out. Yet I did. And boy did I struggle.  Just walking from one end of our house to the other (no great distance at all mind you!) was enough to have me out of breath and having to sit down to rest and let my heart rate return to normal. Showering exhausted me, even the effort of washing my hair had me puffing and panting, and feeling like I had to sit down.  I used to get out of the shower and lean over the vanity sink puffing away and trying to get enough wind to grab my towel and get to my chair where I’d sit and dry off. Now I am still using my chair mind you, but I know the day will come soon when I won’t be needing it at all.

        

Getting in and out of bed was such an effort for me. Just walking to the ensuite toilet and back meant I’d have to sit on the side of the bed for about 5 minutes to catch my breath and get my heart rate down. Getting in bed was a ordeal as well.  My long suffering partner would be disturbed as I maneuvered myself back in.  I remember the humiliation I felt one day about 20 months or so ago when I sat on the bed and it collapsed under me. If you remember my earlier posts you’ll recollect that my partner had to reinforce the bed with extra brackets, as well as a car jack and house bricks to help support the side that I slept on.

Things that I can now do that I couldn’t before include: putting on socks without having to ask for help to pull them over my toes and lower foot, cutting my toenails (yeah gross I know, but it has to be done.), doing up the strap on the top of a pair of shoes that I couldn’t reach because my big gut was in the way, as well as the previously mentioned things. To someone who isn’t morbidly obese you would think nothing of doing things like that, but to me those things were impossible tasks.

Now that I’m driving again I actually took myself to the chemist next to where my doctors surgery so that I could get my flu shot done.  I walked into the chemist from where I’d parked, the first time I’ve done this in 3 years. Okay, so again, it’s not a big deal to 99.9% of you out there, but when you consider that I’ve been housebound pretty much since late 2015 that was as much an achievement for me as climbing Mt Everest.  Or at least hiking to base camp at Everest. (which is not an easy hike from all my reading and Everest documentary watching on YouTube.)   Previously I would have had to stop 2 or 3 times to catch my breath, even just for that short distance.  As for being able to stand at the counter after that ordeal and fill out a form, I wouldn’t have been able to. I would have had to ask for a seat.

So although I have a long way to go, I figure that I have done really well to have lost this much weight in a little over 6 and a half months.   I’ve had only 2 days off the program in all that time, those days I didn’t pig out like I used to, but just enjoyed some foods that I was missing. My last ‘day off’ was around 8th March, so I am planning another one once I’ve lost 60 kilograms.  I’m really craving a home made  hamburger at this stage. And a couple of other things, but I know now that I am in control and won’t be gorging myself on a load of junk food. Plus I know that I will be able to get back on track the very next day.  I shudder to think of how I would be had I not started Optifast last November.  I know how unhappy I was, how disgusted I was at myself and how each day was a struggle from start to finish. I honestly think that another year would have seen me pretty much bed bound, like a lot of the people on that show, A 600 lb life.  Thank goodness I got my act together when I did!

Saw my dietician today and she was really pleased with my progress.  She gives me homework at each visit, and it’s a great way of learning about what foods I can have and in the right quantities once I am off the intensive program.  She’s also recommended a website for when I’m eating more normal meals again, you can browse recipes and select different categories eg weight loss, vegetarian, dairy free, and other options. Each recipe also comes with a nutritional panel which is handy to have. This is the website here:  Australian Healthy Food Guide website

So that’s about it for this week. Thank you to those who are reading this and encouraging and supporting me. And I give special thanks to my wonderful partner who makes sure that I’m always well stocked with my diet products and healthy foods, even if he has to go without. Without his help I would still be struggling just to survive. It’s his birthday tomorrow so I want to finish off here and wish him a very Happy Birthday, with all my love! I’d be so lost without him and his support, encouragement and above all, his love. Lumps, bumps and all, he has loved me which shows the type of person he is.

 

 

 

Going to make this weeks blog a short entry, well I’ll try to. I’m now halfway through week 27 on the intensive program of Optifast, and for anyone who is thinking that I have been on intensive for too long (12 weeks is the recommended time frame), rest assured that I am doing this under guidance of my GP and a dietician, plus reporting to my cardiologist when I next see him.  I also have blood tests and urine tests done to make sure my vital organs are working as they should and haven’t been adversely affected by being on a very low calorie diet for so long.  When I last saw my cardiologist he wanted me to have lost 30 kilograms by the time I saw him next. That was mid/late November.  I have my next appointment with him on June 12th so by then hopefully I would have lost at least 50 kilos which should make him happy.  He’d also wanted me to see a Nurse consultant in the weight loss clinic but I haven’t done that for a couple of reasons. One being that I have a dietician that I’m happy with, and secondly the fact that the hospital is over 30 minutes away and the cost of parking is high.

I saw an article on a  news site today that hit home with me. Here’s the headline and I’ll copy the article as well.

A man has accused Qantas crew member of “fat-shaming” him when he was booted from an exit row seat because he was too large to sit there.

No, I haven’t fallen off the wagon despite what you may think from the title of this weeks blog. Yes, I did fall but not in that way. I’ve been wearing my winter slippers lately as the tiled flooring has been a bit cold underfoot. They are actually a bit loose on my feet now as my feet aren’t as puffed up as they used to be, plus they are also a mens sizing so a bit more room.  I was walking into the bedroom last Saturday evening, Optifast chocolate bar in hand and my bottle of water, when the very front of my left slipper got caught in the carpet runner just inside the bedroom door.  I felt myself going forward and my left foot being over stretched backwards at the same time and fell flat on my face on the bedroom floor.  Well not flat on my face, not with my big boobs and belly. Suffice to say though that if I had saline breast implants they would have exploded when I hit the floor as my poor old boobs and belly landed pretty forcefully, and my left foot was still stretched backwards with the side of my big toe copping a battering as well.

Boy did I yell! My foot was in agony and I was reliving the ordeal of a few months ago when I had only been doing Optifast about 6 weeks and fell on the floor of the garage after my left leg went numb from sitting for nearly an hour while I was having my hair done by the mobile hairdresser lady.  Unlike last time though it didn’t take me over 10 minutes to get myself upright again. I was actually able to get myself up onto my knees and with the aid of our small step stool, managed to stand up within a couple of minutes. (another benefit of losing over 45kg)  However the pain from my foot, especially around my big toe was intense! I was fearful that I may have broken a bone but careful prodding and attempted toe wiggling reassured me that I had probably just bruised the area around the bone and maybe stretched a couple of ligaments on the top part of my foot.  So with my sweetheart home to help apply a crepe bandage, and with the aid of some painkillers I spent Sunday hobbling around as little as possible, and trying to keep my foot elevated.

5 days later my foot is not as sore as it was but it is still a bit puffy and has some pretty technicolour bruising around the big toe and at the base of my toes where they meet the front/top of my foot.  

I survived Mother’s Day with no issues. No boxes of chocolates here, only the Optifast ones. No lunch or dinner out or ‘illegal’ foods consumed.  My children gave me money so I was able to buy some more ‘Tea Rose’ and ‘Charlie (Blue)’ ‘perfumes’, as well as my new handbag and purse that I mentioned last week, and a new cover for my mobile phone and clip on sunglasses for my new prescription glasses.  I was quite happy with how my day panned out. I hope all the mothers reading this also had a good day.

Today, as well as being weigh in day, was my appointment with the Cardiac Investigation Unit at a hospital about 35 minutes from here.  I last saw the cardiologist in late November and because I have a condition called Wolff Parkinson White Syndrome the doctor wanted me to have a Holter Monitor study done which is where you are connected to a small device via ECG leads and your heartbeat is recorded for up to 24 hours. Any abnormality of the heartbeat will show up when the device is read. More info about the condition is here: Information about Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome.

So with my wheely walker for support I was dropped off at the hospital entrance to head off to the Cardiac Investigation Unit to have my holter monitor fitted.  Just at the entrance is a coffee shop complete with cakes and other goodies. Oh my God the smells wafting from there were amazing.  Then to make matters worse there were vending machines located not far from where I was headed to.  I averted my eyes. Managed to walk pretty well even without the bandage on my foot. (I’d taken it off so that I could fit my foot into my shoes.) Didn’t need to stop and catch my breath or rest so that my heart wasn’t pounding out of my chest like I would have this time last year.  So now I’m wired up till tomorrow morning with 5 leads affixed to my chest and a small box, the monitor, hanging on a lanyard around my neck. My poor foot was really sore by the time we arrived back home, because it had been unbandaged and not elevated for a few hours.

I wasn’t hopeful of a big loss this week for a couple of reasons. First my foot is swollen so there’s some accumulated fluid there I think, plus I’ve had a few Anticol cold lozenges as my nose has been a bit stuffed up. They do contain some sugar, and I’ve probably been having about 6 lozenges every evening this week. (tsk, tsk!) As well as that the painkillers I’ve been taking have had their own side effect. To be honest I’m probably as backed up as the Logan Motorway at peak hour.  (Too much info? Sorry, lol). So standing on the scales this week I wasn’t surprised to find out that I’d only lost 100 grams. But hey, it’s still a loss, and I’m not going to let it get to me. I know that I will reach my 50 kg milestone soon.  Just not this week.

So that’s about it for this week.  Hopefully next week will see larger numbers lost, but I’m not the person I was a year ago who would have had a dummy spit and decided to stuff the diet for a day and eat whatever I wanted to try to make me feel better, it’s just not worth it.

 

 

 

 

Have a good week everyone, and thanks again for reading my rantings.

 

 

 

 

 

25 weeks since I started on Optifast. On Monday it will be 6 months. With only 2 days off the program.
I can’t quite believe that I have stuck it out as long as I have. My past history of dieting has been filled with many cheat days and many failures.
I acknowledge that it has been easier for me because:
* I don’t work so no staff birthday or Christmas parties with tables filled with fattening foods.
* I am still at home most of the time so not going out to have coffee with friends or anyone else.
* No small children or teenagers at home so no supplies of junk food, ice cream etc.
* I have a partner who isn’t into chocolate, ice cream, potato chips and other favourite snack food that I would eat every single evening while watching TV.

However my partner does have sweet biscuits that he enjoys with a cuppa.
He does have frozen chips, party pies, crumbed or battered fish pieces in the freezer.
He has cheese and crackers for snacking on.
And he has bread. Lovely fresh bread that smells so good when it’s toasted with cheese, or covered in butter after being toasted. Not to mention filled with ham etc and cheese for taking to work.  No matter where, there are temptations all around.  If I go to the hospital to see the cardiologist I have to pass by the hospital cafe with cakes, ice cream, confectionery etc all on display, and the smell of burgers being cooked, or toasted sandwiches.  Rather ironic having the cardiac outpatient department so close by.

 

So I do have those temptations to deal with and I’ll not deny that sometimes it’s bloody hard when I’m sipping my shake or having my veges etc and he’s having one of the above. What has stopped me from cheating is being accountable to everyone in this group, being accountable to those who follow my blog, being accountable to my doctor, being accountable to my dietitian and above all, being accountable to myself. When I think of scoffing half a dozen biscuits, or a couple of toasted sandwiches with heaps of butter and cheese or oven chips I think about Thursday morning and weigh in day. I remind myself of the fact my cardiologist told me that he’d never had a patient with a BMI as high as mine before.

That I was facing a heart attack, stroke, diabetes, cancer and goodness knows what else because of my eating habits and my weight at that time. Not to mention that I was struggling to do the most basic things such as showering, dressing and mobilising. And was a virtual prisoner in my own home because of my weight while friends of my age were traveling, going out with their families, going out to the shops, to lunch or dinner, the movies. I was literally trapped within my own body. A prisoner of my own making. Not living, merely existing.

It’s been a good week for me. More driving around in our new/used vehicle last weekend. Feeling free again for the first time in years. Knowing that if my daughter phones me up and needs me to come to her NOW, that I will be able to just grab my purse, phone and keys and jump in the car.  Unless you have been stuck at home and not going out anywhere (aside from doctors appointments) you have no idea how liberating it feels to have that freedom again.  Now that I am more mobile I decided to buy myself a new handbag and purse instead of using recycle shopping bags to throw my stuff into, or plastic bags. My daughter had sent me some money for Mothers Day so it was perfect timing.  And my partner surprised me with a new mobile phone as an early Mothers Day gift to replace my old phone which had a battery that drained flat very quickly. So now I’m ready to get out in the real world again, without having to be chauffeured as I have been for the last 4 years or more.

Thursday morning arrived. With that comes only one thing. It’s weigh in day. Time to find out if I had lost weight, stayed the same, or (heaven forbid) gained weight. I knew I had not cheated, but still, it’s always an anxious few seconds when you stand on the scales till you find out the results.

2.3 kilograms lost this week. I was really pleased.  Bringing my total loss now to 47.3 kilograms. Only 2.7 kilos more to go till I mark off another milestone. That one of 50kg lost. Hopefully I will achieve that in the next couple of weeks. Still, for now I celebrate a 2.3 loss and be proud of getting through another week.  My BMI which was once around 94 is now 73.4. Still very high, but a heck of a lot better than it was.

 

I have seen a lot of people saying that there are cheaper ways to lose weight.

Yes Optifast is expensive. Yes sometimes fresh vegetables are expensive to buy. I have no idea how many boxes of Optifast products I have purchased in the last 6 months and the total cost of them all when you consider an average price of $38 for a box of shakes (often more), or $23 for Optifast bars, desserts etc. Or how much money has been spent on Optifast friendly foods etc.  Then there’s the extra’s such as a blender for making my shakes, kitchen scales to weigh my protein serves out.  So how much? I really don’t know. I’m sure easily a couple of thousand. Probably more.  It would be great to have a money tree and not have to worry about juggling finances and figuring out what to put off so that I can get my diet products.  But I have a wonderful partner who does that, as he, for some strange reason, wants me to be around a lot longer, lol.  So he sits down with pen, paper and calculator every payday to work out our finances, plucking dollars out of our ‘money tree’.

So, yes, there are cheaper ways to lose weight.

But after all, what price can you put on a life?
For more years with my partner.
For more years with my children.
For more years with my furbabies.
For more years with my friends.
You can’t put a price on that.
That’s why I’m doing this.

Thank you again for reading.