The moment of truth. First weigh in.

A knock at the door this morning announced the arrival of my scales. My extra heavy duty, super strength talking scales that will actually weigh me instead of shrieking in horror and screaming “Abort, abort, dangerous load detected, self destruction imminent!” [translation: my other scales don’t have a max capacity high enough for my weight.]

So then the decision. Should I or shouldn’t I weigh myself? After all I’m going to the Doctors surgery tomorrow to get weighed there which is where I discovered the shocking truth of my 229kg gross weight just a few short weeks ago. I guess it was better getting the truth there instead of going to the local produce store to be weighed on their scales, which was actually a suggestion from a nearby weight loss club when I inquired there a few years ago. Being weighed next to the bags filled with chaff and horse and cattle feed just was too much to stomach, pun intended.

Nope, I had to know. To know whether my hard work of the past 8 days had paid off. So I unpacked the scales with trembling hands, inserted the batteries, checked it turned on and stopped.
Hang on……I just had a drink not long ago. Better go to the toilet and empty my bladder.
Legs and underarms shaved this morning…..check.
Should I remove my denture,earrings and bobby pins from my hair first? ….nah, that would be overkill.
Strip naked? In the kitchen? In full view through the front door? Hey, that might work, if nothing then it will deter the door to door salesmen and JW’s. [no offence meant to any JW’s who may be on this page.]. No better not, the light cotton dress will be fine.

It was time.
I placed the scales on the tiled floor and turned them on.
“Ready.” they announced.
‘You poor thing’, I thought. ‘You have no idea what’s about to happen to you.’
The moment had come. I was scared. Plus excited to know the results. Checked to see that the dog wasn’t standing behind me with paws on the scales and trying to jinx me.
Stepping on, one foot, then the other.
Waiting for the moment of truth.
Then it came.
223.1kg came the tinny voice. [and no doubt inwardly it was saying, “Get off, get off!!!”]
I had lost 6.2kg!!

Gotta be happy with that!

So after 8 days on Optifast I have to say I’ve found it easy going. As someone else commented on another post, there is very little decision making to be done other than what type of Optifast product will I have for my meals. Because it’s been warm I’ve been enjoying a salad for my dinner each night, and it’s an easy choice of the veges we are allowed.
Easy to prepare too, that’s what I like.
I’ve liked all the different flavours of the shakes that I’ve tried, and love the chocolate bar too.
Diet jelly, cherry tomatoes and chopped up cucumber are my go to snacks when the stomach is telling me it needs food.
I use the Optifast website to record my fluid intake and what meals I have each day so I keep tabs on myself that way.
And of course I have all of you lovely, lovely people to support me on here and give me encouragement, for which I am very grateful.
So 6.2kg gone.
Fingers crossed for next week.
Edited as found out my weight at the medical center was actually 229.3kg not just 229kg.

Days 1 and 2 on Optifast done.
Another long post, make sure you have water and maybe your lunch handy.

Before I get stuck into my post I just wanted to give a massive THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to all of you who have supported me on my posts and given me advice, encouragement and kind words. I was genuinely touched and brought to tears [happy tears] by reading through your comments. Most of all I realised that I was not alone, even though I’m isolated in my home because of my weight I have all of you surrounding me right here in my lounge room. [I’m going to need a bigger lounge, and please don’t mind the cat and dog hair guys.]

So I have decided to come clean about my weight. I have not told anyone else [other than a couple of people via messenger] my actual weight, not even my partner. All he knows is that there’s a 2 at the start. I burst into tears when the nurse at the medical centre told me what the scales said.

229.3kg.
Yep, you read that right. Shocking eh?

You know I see posts on Facebook where somebody has put up a photo of someone who is obese and there are so many harsh comments about “How could they let themselves go like that?” or “Oh that’s so disgusting, so gross!” Those comments are usually followed by some cruel and often crude comments, insulting memes etc that while I know are not directed at me do hurt. I feel like commenting in defense of that person.
When I do go out in public I cringe thinking that people are no doubt thinking those things about me. Little kids sometimes look and stare. I tend to avoid eye contact with people. I pray that no smart mouthed teens are around who might jeer at me and yell out insulting comments. I’m sure you all understand what I mean.

I’d gotten to the stage recently where I’d see a Youtube clip from one of those shows in the US showing someone who is so obese that they are trapped in their bed, family bringing them junk food. And the scary part is that I could foresee that happening to me if I didn’t get my act together. So a health scare recently was my wake up call to do something, and the rest you know.

So Days 1 and 2 were good ones. I had no problems with the program. I actually didn’t mind the flavour of the shakes. So far I’ve had banana, coffee, mocha and caramel. I used 200mls of water [as opposed to 250mls] in my dinner time coffee shake yesterday and loved the thicker consistency, much like a thickshake almost with ice added.
Afternoon tea saw me a bit peckish so I snacked on some solanato tomatoes which are the same size as cherry tomatoes and I find them delicious. Just 5 or 6 of them helped with the hunger pangs, along with some iced water.

Drinking 2 Litres of extra water was something I wasn’t used to but I’ve managed that as well, luckily the weather is warm enough to make it easier. Once a day I make up 500mls of water with a small amount of diet cordial just as a change of taste.
I’ve had a bit of a headache, but nothing too bad, not even needing panadol so that’s good.
Making my partners lunch is tempting, fresh bread and butter, ham or chicken breast meat and cheese. I would love a salad sandwich or 2, or my usual breakfast of toast with [too much] butter and jam. But I’m not that tempted in that I’d break the program and eat those things.

Evenings are probably the worst time. It’s the time when I’d pig out on ice cream, some chocolate or chips, all all 3 while sitting in bed and watching trashy reality TV. So I have made up some diet jelly to have as a snack and will also have another 4 or 5 of those tomatoes. I don’t tend to drink a lot after 6pm as I don’t want to be running to the toilet all night. That could be dangerous in our house as in our bedroom we have 3 extra family members. 2 cats and a Golden Retriever. Many is the time I’ve trodden on a cats tail or almost tripped over a stretched out Golden en route to the ensuite toilet.
Or gone head over turkey over the Goldens ‘girlfriends’. He has 2 large stuffed toys that he insists on bringing to bed each night, and we call them his girlfriends because he sometimes gets the urge to umm, you know….do the wild thing with them, despite being desexed. The dog not the ‘girlfriends’. We don’t encourage this mind you, there’s a time and place for humping ones teddy bears and our bedroom at bedtime is not either.
Plus I don’t want to give my partner any ideas, lol.

But I digress.
So very little liquid after 6pm, only enough for my medications at 8.30. Nothing worse that being woken up in the middle of a perfectly good sleep by a bursting bladder.

So Day 3 lays ahead of me, I’ll make an attempt to do a couple of laps of the hallway to get some type of mild exercise in.
The one thing I really miss is my cup of tea. I have a special blend I order in from a tea shop in Berry NSW which up till recently was my kick start to the day. However 3 teaspoons of sugar and full cream milk is not a part of the Optifast program. I did try it with a stevia artificial sweetener and skinny milk on Monday and didn’t enjoy it at all. A shame because I do love a nice cup of tea.

Okay, time to wake up now.
Thank you for reading my rant, and thank you again for being a great bunch of people.
A parting quote: I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday.

Hi there everyone.
A bit of an intro, better grab a coffee and make sure you’ve ample time to read this novel length entry.
New to this whole blogging experience so bear with me here.
About me: old as dirt, 60 years old. Ex registered nurse, left work 11 years ago.
2 children in their 20s, and have a wonderful partner. Furbaby mum to a Golden Retriever, Ragdoll cat and moggy.

I’ve battled weight issues since primary school. I was always the one who avoided sports. The number of times I asked my mum to write me a note saying I couldn’t do P.E. in high school due to my sports clothing [back in the old day where girls had gym outfits for P.E and sports] being ‘ripped beyond repair’ must have had the teacher thinking my mother was a lousy seamstress. Or else there was always cramps which made another regular appearance for an excuse.

As an adult I’ve tried Weight Watchers, Tony Ferguson shakes, acupuncture, hypnosis, diet pills, numerous weight loss clubs, Lite n Easy and even gastric stapling back in 1985. That helped for a few years, my weight dropped from 130kg to 75kg. Then I had children and slowly but surely my weight crept up again. Chocolate and icecream don’t worry about staples and gradually over the years I guess the staples have given way or my stomach has stretched back to normal size because I have been able to eat normal sized meals for some years now. So of course the weight piled back on, more so since I stopped working in late 2007.

Weight now: let’s say I’m triple digits………way, way up there. Throw in a 2 at the start. A BMI of about 90.
Disgusted? Horrified? Grossed out that someone could be that heavy?
I was when I recently discovered what I weighed.
Since leaving work my weight has slowly crept up. I already was morbidly obese but it just got worse. As I mentioned above you name it, I’ve tried it.

As a result of my weight I’ve more or less become housebound. I haven’t done shopping at all for 3 years. Can’t walk around without getting puffed plus my feet and ankles swell up. I daren’t go out to anyones house because if they have a low lounge once I sit on it I’ll never get up again without a hoist and crane.
Driving? I used to love it. The last time I drove though was March 19th 2016. That was on my daughters wedding day.

A day when I should have been happy and celebrating. Instead I was squeezed into a dress that took me forever to find and didn’t do anything to hide my obese body. It was hot and humid and my makeup was sweated off hours before the ceremony. My hair was damp with humidity and perspiration, and my feet were swelling to the point where I could only fit into an old pair of slip on shoes. It was an outdoor wedding and the chairs provided were flimsy plastic ones. I had to sit on two of them and pray to God they held my weight. I had visions of mother of the bride breaking the chairs and me ending up on my back, struggling to get up from the ground while all looked on in horror, and no doubt embarrassment on the part of my daughter and son. At the wedding reception I couldn’t even walk around talking to the other guests, I was sitting on a chair [thankfully a sturdier one], legs and feet swelling up and painful, trying to smile and look happy as I watched with envy as some of the guests did the Nutbush City Limits dance. [I used to love doing that].

But I digress. Back to the driving issue.
I can’t fit behind the steering wheel anymore. If I push the seat back then I can but unfortunately my short, stumpy legs mean my feet don’t reach the accelerator or brake, kinda makes it impossible to drive. Using one’s tippy toes isn’t really safe you know? 😉
Even being a passenger is uncomfortable, even for just short trips. I tend to slide down in the passenger seat, my legs and feet are numb and swell because they are hanging down.

So I am housebound more or less, and this has been my existence (because it’s not a life) for the past 3 years almost.
I can’t do housework such as vacuuming, bed making, dusting etc. I sit down to hang up the washing on airers in the garage. I have to sit down if doing anything in the kitchen. Cooking anything but basic meals is beyond me. Showering leaves me out of breath and my heart thumping. I have a chair to sit on to dry off after a shower. Just walking down our hallway leaves me out of breath. I can’t stand for more than a minute or so without having to lean on something eg a bench. Our bed has had to be reinforced.

Has your jaw dropped in shock yet?

I hate what I’ve become. To the outside world, on Facebook, I’m the one who shares funny posts, jokes, amusing memes and cute stories about cats and dogs. I try to cheer up my depressed friends. I make jokes about my weight without letting on that I am crying inside. On the screen I appear happy, content. On the other side of my Facebook profile picture is a 60 year old woman who hates herself and her life, or what her life has become. Nobody knows how bad things have gotten. I sit in my armchair, struggling to do basic things, my only socialising is through Facebook. I look at myself in the bathroom mirror after a shower and I am disgusted by my appearance.

2 weeks ago I went to the doctor. A different one to my usual GP. I’d displayed a couple of symptoms of possible heart failure, an enlarged heart. Was ordered a couple of tests. I was scared, really scared. The nurse weighed me and I nearly had heart failure when she told me my weight. Thankfully the tests showed that I didn’t have an enlarged heart…… yet. I knew that I had to do something before I dropped dead. I couldn’t keep ‘living’ the way I was. Luckily my thyroid, blood sugar and cholesterol levels were okay too. [I’m on blood pressure and cholesterol meds].

So my GP has referred me to a dietitian and suggested that I start Optifast.
My first dietitian appointment isn’t till the 21st November but I started my Optifast program yesterday. I figure that I’ll be on the intensive phase for over 12 weeks.
I survived day 1. Evenings are my worst time, that’s when I used to have ice cream or chocolate or chips, or even all three while watching TV in bed.
So I have 4 or 5 tomatoes (not cherry tomatoes but the same size). I have to make up some diet jelly today as well.

I don’t mind the shakes, I use cold water and ice when having them.

So here I am. Day 2 of my Optifast program lays ahead. I will be taking some time to read through the posts on here.

I hope to have good news when I next weigh in. Scales here at home don’t go up as high as my weight so I have to either get the nurse at the medical center to weigh me there or get weighed at the dieticians on the 21st.

Wish me luck. I apologise for the scroller.
Addit: I have added a bit more to my post, and included a photo taken on the day of my daughters wedding. I’m not brave enough to show my face though, suffice to say what you can see is me, and no doubt there is more of me seeing as that was taken 2 and a half years ago now.